Funny things my boys said while on our trip!

Aidan:

*at the zoo while looking at giraffes: Momma, I like his sweater! (referring to the hide of the giraffe)

*to me after I got done putting my make up on: Momma, your face wooks weally pwetty, after you did whatever you did to it.

*Josh said to me: whatcha doin baby? Aidy answers thinking his daddy is talking to him: eatin my boogers.

Britton:

*I am so glad I am better. I allowed my family this opportunity to experience this awesome zoo!

*to Aidan at Whole Foods about the tofu stick: I guarantee you will NOT like this!

This Christmas was a wonderful time for my little family. However, I found myself not really getting into the "spirit" of things with the whole gift exchange thing. I couldn't exactly pin point WHAT exactly bothered me about it though. I thought and thought...Finally, I realized that I have never been a fan of the rip open, throw, & repeat way of doing Christmas morning. Actually, I don't like any type of event where the people open the gifts and never really know WHO they are from or WHY it was given. For example...last year at Britton's birthday party, I had each child get the gift that they had brought and sit down close to Britton. One at a time, each child handed Britton the gift that they had brought him. It enabled him to say thank you and look each friend in the face while doing so. I loved it. To this day, Britton can tell me who got him the Star Wars lego's when he plays with them. With that in mind..this Christmas I told the boys we were going to do the same thing. I took Britton shopping for his daddy, Aidan and Liam and took Aidan shopping for daddy, Britton and Liam. I bought Liam's presents for his brothers and daddy. Each brother helped me wrap the gifts then they put them under the tree. I enjoyed watching them show each other which one was their present for each other. Then Christmas morning, I was fully prepared to be "momma bear" and have to guide my lil cubs into what I feel is the proper act of giving a gift. However, something happened that I was completely unprepared for. I handed Britton a gift from me and his dad. Then we watched him open it. After that, I handed Britton a gift and said, Britton here is the gift for your daddy. He said, ok, Daddy you're going to LOVE this...and then he waited...practically jumping up and down with excitement. Then, as I handed Aidy a present from me, Aidy said, "Wait Momma, where's the present I bought Britton?" He then proceeded to look under the tree for his gift. I couldn't believe it. He was more excited to give Britton his gift than he was to open the gift for himself. I thought that at that moment...THAT is what Christmas is all about. Giving a gift that you have put some thought into. Something that you looked for and chose just for that special brother or friend in your life. Isn't it?

I know in our home, we will never again give a gift or receive a gift and not know who it is from. Each present will be handed, personally to the recipient...I want my children to know that GIVING is more important than receiving.

Mary did you know?

Tonight we watched The Nativity with Britton. It was his first year to watch the movie and while it ended up being a time of MANY questions and some REALLY awkward answers..ie Momma why is Mary's parents upset that she is having a baby....Why is Elizabeth making those noises when she is having her baby? eek...It was also a time for me to do my "thinkin".
Let me set it up for you...Mary went to Elizabeth where when Mary spoke the baby, John, in Elizabeth's womb jumped...Elizabeth said, blessed are you among women, totally awesome by the way..who wouldn't LOVE to be greeted like that! Then Mary stays with them awhile, goes home, barely avoids a stoning, then leaves with Joseph to go to Bethlehem. She has the baby that changed the world. Now is my favorite scripture of all time...."But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart."
I got to thinking...the song says, Mary did you know, that your baby boy, would someday walk on water....Mary did you know that your baby boy would save our sons and daughters, did you know that your baby boy was Heaven's perfect lamb, this sleeping child your holding, is the great I Am. As I am thinking of that song, watching Hollywood's interpretation of THE story and looking at my sons sitting on either side of me I had the thought, yeah...she knew. Mary was not a brainless broad who just happened to win the virgin birth lottery. She was a thinker...and that thinker became a MOM, which if Mary and I were anything alike, made her think more. Nothing has made me more introspective than becoming a mom. Having my boys has made me look at everything in my life, in my past and what could become of my future. The moment Liam was placed in my arms, I immediately knew that this child was capable of anything. He could be the one who finds the cure for cancer, the one who would feed the starving orphans in Africa...he is sure to be the one who would do GREAT things...With Britton, I had visions of him going to far away countries and building orphanages and loving on homeless children. Aidan was going to do unthinkable things to help other people. I just KNEW it. So, as I said the song asks, Mary, did you know? Yes, she knew...All mother's know...All mother's know that their babies are going to do great things. That is partly what is so tragic when you see another mother on the morning talk shows trying to explain why her son decided to go in and shoot up a school. She never dreamed when she was holding her precious son that her future would hold THIS...she knew it would be something BIG...it had to be it was HER precious baby...she just had no idea it would be tragic...
The same with Mary..she KNEW it would be great..she KNEW he was perfect...she just didn't know it would be tragic...heartbreaking....the beginning of something BIGGER than life and all life before and after the birth of her precious baby. We all THINK we have perfect babies...Mary was right in her thinking...it wasn't just a mother's bias...it was reality...He WAS the perfect baby. He WAS the perfect man. He WAS the perfect sacrifice. He IS the perfect Savior. He IS.
I just wondered how long Mary pondered. His entire life? Hers? Now, as a mom, a daughter of the King, I too follow Mary's example....This Christmas, I find myself treasuring up all these things and pondering them in my heart. If you're a mom, I'm sure you are pondering some things yourself...How could you read about the birth or watch it on tv and NOT? Here's to hoping your ponderings help you find the answers.
Merry Christmas.

December 12, 2010

Today my son was baptized. Britton put on his swim shorts and a tee shirt and walked to the front of the church. He stepped into a pool of water, declared his faith in God, professed to follow Him and then....he took the mike from our preacher! I know, it wasn't what I expected either. I was shocked. I had this urge to reach forward and take the mike from him, but a small voice said, "be still". I later found out that Josh heard the SAME still small voice. Here is what Britton said: Hello, my name is Britton and I was born on March 13. My mom and dad love me very much and I know that Jesus loves me very much too. I am going to be baptized today because I know he died for my sins and I am going to be born again because I love him too.

I was shocked...stunned...speechless...and in tears. He is such an amazing little boy, always has been. Britton has always been his own person. He didn't need me on Tuesday when he accepted Christ into his heart and he didn't need me today, when he entered into baptism. He made his decision. He followed through with it. It was his and his alone. THAT is how I know this was real. I KNOW without a doubt that TODAY my son was born again...

So, Britton, never forget today. It was the day that you decided to live your life for God. You did so with such honesty and purity that it touched everyone who witnessed it. Someday, you may doubt this decision. Just know that that is normal. It is at this moment that you just have to TRUST that God has you in the palm of his hand as he did on this day and you belong to Him. He loves you and he understands your doubts. Just ask him to help you through this period of doubt. We call this blind faith. Where you continue to follow HIM even when you're not sure what you're doing, or why. Just give it time. God will remove your doubts, if you let him. I love you son. I am very proud of you!

xo Momma

Today, a very important day...

Today, December 7, 2010 started like any other day. I got the boys up, started getting everyone dressed. Would stop every few minutes to play with Liam who was laying on my bed. However, this morning, I had this urge to watch this video on the new WOW 2011 DVD I had just purchased. I turned it on and listened to the song that I like and was ready to turn it off. The next song on the DVD came on and Brit said, "ooh Newsboys, momma can I watch this?" I looked at the clock..."sure, but just this one and then we gotta get goin." The song came on, we watched the video and then we turned off the tv and went downstairs. We got our shoes and coats on and loaded up in the van. As we were backing out of the driveway Britton asked me a question that would begin a conversation that would forever mark this day in history. The conversation went something like this. "Momma, what does Born Again mean?" I said, "Well, when you tell God that you want him to be the Lord of your life, and you ask him to forgive you for your sins, you leave your old life behind and are kind of born again." He said, "I wanna do that." I said, "well..do you believe Jesus is your Savior and that he died for you?" "Yes." "Well, have you asked Him to forgive you for your sins?" "No, I'm gonna do that right now." He bows his head and I hear him pray. In my mind I was thinking, God is this for real? Is this THE moment? Is this IT? Britton is at a crossroads Lord, did he just choose YOU? He raised his head up and said "Momma, now I need to be Baptized." In my mind/heart, I said, oh yes, Lord, you have definitely been talking to him. I assured him that we would talk to our preacher and he said ok. He jumped out of the car and said goodbye to his brothers, told me he loved me and shut the van door and walked into school.

Wow..I have always known/hoped this moment would come. I just never dreamed it would happen when I was taking him to school! But then again, nothing with Britton has ever occurred the way I THOUGHT it would or should. Britton has always been HIS own person. He was born older, independent, brilliant! He is my serious child who takes everything to heart. He was always God's. When I was pregnant with him, I would lay my hands on my tummy and pray for him. It was the only time he was ever still. It was like he KNEW. He has his own convictions and always has. This is just another step in his walk with his Savior. Today, God/Jesus went from Britton's pal to his Savior. What a day...

Britton, I am so honored to be your momma. I have always said, you are awesome, in spite of your father and me...We love you so much...

love, momma

My heart...Mary's heart...the heart of those who saw

"On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. " Matthew 2:11

I was in Lifeway shopping for Christmas and on a sign they had up to advertise a new book, the above scripture was written. I read it and had to stop a minute. Something about it grabbed me. I know I have read this scripture a dozen or so times, but for some reason, it grabbed me this time. I'm not sure why. Maybe it was the picture I had in my head. Where Mary should have been, it was me, where there should have been the baby Jesus, it was my little Liam. How would I have reacted? Becoming a mother is about as overwhelming an experience as any woman can have. The simple act of the child leaving your body where you have felt, treasured every movement for the last 9 months and feel it no longer. The emptiness is immediate. You just KNOW they are no longer there. Then they are in your arms. You are looking at this little life and thinking is THIS mine? Did Mary think that? Did she think is HE mine?! Did she immediately feel protective of this child? That she would walk through fire for him RIGHT then? Did she want to curl up with him in her arms and stare at him for hours? What was her heart doing? Did it lurch like mine did? Was it so overcome with this unexplainable love that it overwhelmed her? These normal feelings that only a mother can understand and then these strangers come in and fall to their knees and worship this sweet little bundle of joy! What did Mary feel at that moment? The vanity in me would probably think "yes, SEE didn't I DO GOOD?!" Did Mary understand the monstrosity of the moment? Or was she just overwhelmed? Did she wonder what these people were thinking? Did she wonder why they were here? Or, did she know. What was in Mary's heart?

I know what was in my heart when I saw all three of my sons and I knew what dreams I had for them the moment they were placed in my arms. I knew what I wanted for them and what I wanted to protect them from. I knew what I wanted others to think of them and I knew how to love them. I KNEW....and I didn't give birth to the Savior....did Mary KNOW?!

Is it time for that already?

Today at the craft fair I was working, Britton let me in on a little drama going on in his mind that I was NOT aware of! We were sitting behind my booth visiting when Britton left to go to the restroom. He came back and his cheeks were all flushed. He said, "Momma, there are two pretty girls in here and they are stressing me out!" I said, "WHAT?" He said, "they are stressing me out!" Then he proceeded to point out one of the pretty girls and as she turned to walk toward our booth with her mother, he jumped behind my chair! I said, "Brit, what are you doing?" He said, "SSSHHHH". I then looked at the little girl and looked at Brit and began to watch something unfold that I had NO idea it was time to start preparing for. He peeked out from behind the chair and the little girl looked at him and she blushed and stepped behind her mom. Britton then ducked behind the chair again! After she walked off, he stood up and then the second little girl walked up and he ducked behind again! After the second girl walked off, he said, "Momma, I thought I was going to fall madly in love with (a little girl from school)". I sat in stunned silence! I would have giggled, but the look on his face and the blush in his cheeks told me that indeed these two "pretty girls" were indeed stressing him out! And I did what EVERY good mom does! I looked at dad and said, "you better field this!" So for the next few minutes I listened to a conversation between Britton and his daddy about how there are going to be a lot of pretty girls out there and how important it is to make friendships right now and study in school and just enjoy youth. And how God will someday show him who he is indeed going to "fall madly in love with" and she will be pretty inside AND out! He said, "I know Dad."

I cannot believe that at the age of six, this is something I have to even THINK about! I so want my sons to be strong men who respect women and know how to treat a woman like a lady. I know that some may think, well, lucky you! They are interested in girls and you don't have to do anything...that's DADDYS job! Oh, how wrong. Yes, daddy will be the one who fields all the questions about manhood. But, I am a woman. I understand girls, I was one! I am also the person who will show my sons how THEY can expect to be treated by showing them through my actions toward their daddy. No, my job is not over...it seems to me it's getting even more involved! Lord give me strength, is it time for THIS already?

Discovery!

Tonight I had a revelation!! I was eating supper with my family and was hit practically right between the eyes....I had my fork posed to go in my mouth and I said out loud to Josh, "Why I Never Traded My High Heels For Muddy Boots"..**chuckle** Josh looked at me and said, um ok?! I said THAT is the name of my book!

I have known since the beginning that I was going to write about being the mother of sons. I just had no idea WHAT direction I was going to go in. NOW I know! I have been flooded with ideas and feel so much more motivated! I had kind of hit a slump in my writing as of late. I had NO motivation and was finding a million reasons NOT to write! NOW...I have a direction.

I am so excited! So motivated!!

NOW, it's time to vent...why do people feel the need to apologize to me for having boys. My sons are not a consolation prize...they are my children, my precious ones..my angels...they are not the "consolation prize" in my quest to have a girl...they are NOT steps along my road to "get that" girl. My sons...THEY are the prize. THEY are the steps along my road to grow as a mother. There is no other goal, no other aspirations, no other desires. To be a good mother to my three sons IS my goal! One I take very seriously.

So, if you see me out, whether you catch us on a crazy day or a calm one, do me a favor. Do not feel sorry for me. Look at me and my three boys and say, Wow, that woman's EVERY dream has come true! How awesome is that!

Today...

Today is my birthday. I am 33 years old today. I was awoken this morning by a sweet sweet surprise. Josh and my three boys came into the room and each was holding a card. (even Liam at 12 weeks had a little card in his hand) As I read each card I was overcome. Josh said Britton and Aidan had chosen their own cards. That they picked the one they liked and then Josh read it to 'em and they decided if they liked it or not. I was amazed because each card fit each personality so well.

Brit~my serious son, the one who takes things so personally, sometimes is all business, sometimes sweeter than sugar and sometimes as goofy as it gets...here is the card he chose for me:

For a very special mother, you are a wonderful creation. You were designed in the heart of God, fashioned by His loving hands, and given to our family as His precious gift. Thank you for all you do, your prayers, your words, your example and every moment you've selflessly given to our family. You are appreciated, celebrated and loved.

Aidan~my silly middle child...he is snuggly..loves to cuddle...and often tells me how beautiful he thinks I am, nothing formal about him...here is the card he chose for me:

Mom, if I could give you anything for your birthday, it would be all the happiness you've given me just by being my mom. Love you, happy birthday.

I know they are just children and they will change so much...but I am so blown away by how EACH child represents a piece to a puzzle...a piece that God has given me one by one...it started with Josh..my rock, my safe place on this earth and then it was Britton...the piece who let me see what unconditional love TRULY looked like...who introduced me to a part of me I NEVER knew existed. He made me a momma. Then there was Aidan, the snuggly piece. The child who loves to snuggle with me and on a regular basis, the piece who makes me feel beautiful..tells me on a regular basis that I look like a princess...Now, there is Liam..the child who has reminded me to slow down...to enjoy the baby...that life is about experiences and relationships NOT material possessions.

Each child..so different...and yet, now, this morning..on the day of my 33rd birthday it is so clear to me...God has placed all 4 of these people into my life to bring about a sort of healing. You see, there was a wound placed in my heart years ago. One that I have tried and tried to overcome...and one that has tarnished every relationship I have tried to have...however, it hasn't been until NOW, this MOMENT that I realize just how precious and meticulous God has been at helping me heal. My three sons and my husband, all represent a part of the puzzle that God has designed to heal me...to make me whole...to help me see how much HE Loves me...how precious I am to HIM...oh God, I am overcome...Thank you..thank you...thank you...

Praise you Lord...

On this my 33rd birthday...the first birthday that I haven't felt like my birth was a mistake..the first time I realize my purpose in this world...the first time I have had TRUE unhibited happiness...yes, what a day...my 33rd birthday...the day I REALIZED that God has TRULY made me a NEW creation...November 16, 2010...my BIRTHday.

Funny things I heard today...

Aidan: I don't like daddy.

Me: well that's not very nice.

Aidan: well, he gets onto me.

Me: well, I get onto you and you love me don't you?

Aidan: well, I love daddy too, but I just get fwustawated.

Aidan: can I tell you a question?

Me: yes.

Aidan: well, sometimes when my booger itches and I can't find a kleenex, I have to eat it.

Me: ew.

Liam's Birth Announcement

Chic Screen Blue Baby 5x7 folded card

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A Sweet Prayer from a Sweet Boy

Thank you Lord Jesus

please don't let Jesus die on the cross, let Him be ok.

Thank you for Britton, Liam, Mommy and Daddy and me, Aidan for we like to play

together. And Jack, Ben, Emma and Thomas we like to play cars and play d bill's. Thank you.

Amen.

Above is the prayer that Aidan prayed when I tucked him into bed tonight. I was so touched I just had to blog it. He is 3 years old.

My Brave Boy

Britton went to the Third Day, Toby Mac, Michael W. Smith concert with his daddy and his brother Aidan a few days ago. They had a blast. I was home with a disconnected jaw. On the way home from the concert, Josh called me and said he had sent a picture to my phone. It was of Britton, Josh, Aidan and TobyMac. I was shocked. I thought they must have done a meet and greet. When Josh got home he gave me the scoop. Britton said at the concert how badly he wanted to meet TobyMac. Josh informed him that he couldn't because TobyMac was so busy. Britton wouldn't take no for an answer. Josh finally told him that if he wanted to talk to TobyMac maybe he could go ask the security lady by the stage. Britton walked over there, all by himself, and asked the lady if he could meet TobyMac. She politely informed him that TobyMac was really busy and wouldn't be able to meet him. Britton said that he really wanted to tell him that he liked his song. The lady said well, tell me your name and I'll pass it along to him. Britton informed her his name was Britton and then walked over to his daddy, bummed. A bit later, the lady came up to them and asked them to come with her. She put passes on them and took them backstage where TobyMac stood waiting for them. Britton told TobyMac how much he liked his song and even sang a bit of it for him. TobyMac joined in. Then they talked about sports where TobyMac informed Britton that his son liked soccer too and how cool it would be if they could play with each other. Josh said TobyMac was amazing. Britton was thrilled and Aidy was petrified! oh well...

I am unbelievably proud of my brave Britton. I have always thought that someday he will move mountains. He is way too passionate about too many things...now I KNOW he will move mountains because he will NOT take no for an answer. Very much a David. I am so proud of you Brit!

Three boys = Three prince's...

Today, we were on our way home from Branson and our little mini vaca. I was sitting in the back seat with Liam and Brit was sitting behind me. I was resting my head on the back of my seat and Britton reached up and started playing with my hair. At one point, he pulled my hair. I flinched. He reached up and rubbed my head. He spent the next 10 minutes or so, just "fixing" my hair. While he was doing so, I had a thought. I had a lady this summer, when I told her I was having a third boy, apologize. "I could NEVER have THREE BOYS," she said. I politely smiled and said, "oh, well, we are excited." Now, looking back, with my THREE boys next to me, I realize one thing. I am the LUCKIEST girl in the world. All my life I have wanted to be treated like a princess. I know that my my daddy loves me, my God loves me, my brother's and uncles love me, but I secretly wanted to be a princess. Nothing brings a tear to my eye quicker than a little girl pretending to be a princess. Now, with my 3 sons, ages 6, 3 and 6 weeks, I AM a princess! They think I am beautiful even when I have just gotten out of bed and my hair is on end. They will do anything for me. If they feel their daddy is being unfair to me (which never happens, it's all youthful ignorance and perception), they RUSH to defend me. They enjoy listening to me talk about the things I liked as a child and recently Aidy even sat down and played Barbie's with me. Just because I wanted to! I AM a princess. And I am the luckiest princess because I have 3 not just one, but 3 prince's showing me how special they think I am!!!

Wow...to be able to tell the lady from vacation that I would NEVER NOT want 3 boys!!! :)

Three boys=THREE PRINCE's!!!

**And thanks to their daddy for showing them HOW to treat a princess...You set a wonderful example baby!**

Liam~one who will protect

The moment Josh put Liam by my head after he was delivered I had one thought...I didn't say it out loud because I was sure it would leave the nurses and doctors with the thought that I am crazy. I thought, "this is the one Grandpa sent me." The first few days after he was born, when I found myself alone with Liam, I would whisper in his ear, do you remember that Grandpa chose you for me?

Now, a week and a half later, as I sit and hold this sweet baby, I smell the scent of my grandma's perfume...she was here earlier in the week and we are unable to bathe him yet because of his umbilical cord. I had the thought, you were sent by my Grandpa and you smell like my Grandma...with that thought came a tightness of the chest that can only be understood if you have indeed felt it. It also left me wondering, did God part the clouds and let Grandpa peek down this week when Grandma was sitting and holding Liam, the one he and God sent to me? I believe he did.

What a day...

On August 23, 2010, Liam Jakob "officially" joined our family! I had a c-section and was a little scared. It's a frightening experience knowing that you are going to be cut open and have to heal. All I kept thinking before I got in there was, "my boys..." I definitely didn't want to leave them without a momma if something were to go wrong. But all my worrying was for naught. I came through the surgery perfectly. My wonderful husband stood by my head and talked to me and I had excellent doctor's and nurses who took great care of me and helped me relax while my youngest son was delivered into the world.

The moment when Liam cried is unlike anything I can explain. He belted out a scream that puts his brother's to shame! He was not thrilled to be out of his home. They brought him over to the table to clean him up and he looked so sweet. He screamed and screamed...I cried and cried...It amazes me how I can feel kind of disconnected to this child in me because I am so preoccupied by the two running around outside of me and then all I have to do is hear the cry....one sound and you are rendered completely helpless....all you want to do is help this baby be happy...to love him..to hold him...to give him snuggles..

Brit's first 1K

Britton ran a 1k today! We weren't sure if he could do it...he's never really ran before. We tried practicing at home and he would poop out on us. Josh was resistant to sign him up....finally we decided to go for it. He really wanted to do it. We figured what's the harm...worse case scenario, we lose 8 dollars because he doesn't wanna do it on race day...

Race day: I had to get him up at 6:45. I woke him up. He was eager. He was in the car before me. We got to the race and we cheered Daddy and Uncle Ricky on during their 5k...It was pouring down rain. I kept explaining to Britton that if he changes his mind about the race it was no big deal. His answer: Mom, it's just rain, I get wet when I go swimming. You could have pushed me over with a feather!

When it came time for his race he was so excited but he was also ALL business! He got at the start and when they said go MANY kids bolted out of the start. Britton paced himself. We were so proud! He ran the entire race and only walked once during the last, when he walked for about 30 seconds then he turned it on and ran across the finish!!! He passed kids bigger than him! He finished in 20th place out of about 50 kids, and he finished in 6mins 54secs. I have never felt more proud! He did SUCH a good job! He finished with a smile!!! He says next year he is going to train more so he can win a medal...I have NO doubt that he will do just that! SOOOOO proud of you Britton!!!

Being a Mom is hard....

As I've mentioned before, I once heard a quote that becoming a mother is to forever have your heart walk around outside your body....Never have I felt the weight of this quote more than this week. Britton started first grade at a new school this week. Monday was great. He came home and said he liked his teacher and she was awesome...However, yesterday he sang a bit of a different tune. After pick up, he was quiet. I asked him about his day and he told me he learned that a sentence begins with a capital and ends with a period. He said PE was fun and he likes his PE teacher and at recess he played with Thomas (the neighbor boy) who offered to share his snack with him..."I said, No thank you, I'm not hungry" Brit told me....Then he dropped the bomb on me..."I am ready to go back to St Paul." Shocked, I said, "Brit, that's not an option, honey..You are at South now. This is where we will be until we move or you move on." He said, "but I wanna see my friends." I didn't know what to say.

Later, I found out that he sat alone at lunch and he feels like no one likes him. He is nervous and anxious and he doesn't wanna go in the school by himself. He said he got lost and he was scared to ask to go to the bathroom. My heart lurched.

And here is where parenting becomes hard...no one tells you when you have kids that the first time you see your normally confident child experience anxiety or nervousness that your heart will twist in 100 different directions and that you will feel helpless. No one tells you that the first time your child is in a new environment and is old enough to be aware that there are kids who ARE NOT scared or nervous will make you wanna keep them at home for the rest of their lives. I know I cannot do this, I know I must encourage him. We read Chrysanthemum, talked about new experiences and how scary it can be...we talked about how hard it is to come into a school where you don't know anyone. We talked about how fun it is to meet new people...we talked, we prayed. His response was that he put his arms around me and asked in his prayers for "God to bless my mother".... being a mom is HARD....here he was feeling scared, alone, nervous, anxious and he was praying for ME. Maybe it is through that blessing that God will give me the wisdom to help Brit through this time...maybe it helped him to think of me instead of his situation....whatever the reason, my heart twisted, one more time.

I went to bed with tears in my heart and on my pillow. I was torn between being angry at myself for doing this to my child and feeling helpless to fix it. I know South is where God wants Britton...no doubt about that...way too much praying was done...He didn't tell me it was going to be PERFECT or EASY though and THAT is where being a mom is HARD! Oh, so hard...

I've been told by friends who have raised their children and launched them into adulthood that it doesn't go away....the knot, the twisting...It just gets easier to put them into God's hands because he proves faithful...so here goes...God he is yours..You love him more than I ever could..you see all...watch him, comfort him, wrap your arms around him so he doesn't feel alone..help him NOT to be scared or sad....give him a classmate/friend. He is yours, but God you loaned him to me and my heart is twisted...I don't like him to feel sad or scared...

I must keep telling myself...He is HIS...He is HIS...I must trust..but MAN, being a mom is HARD.....

It is from God that parents receive their children, and it is to God that they should lead them." Dietrich Bonhoeffer..

First Grade

Britton~

you start first grade tomorrow morning. You were so excited tonight that though we had you tucked in at 8:30, you were still awake at 10. When I went in to check on you, you said, "Momma, I can't go to sleep". I was always like that too...I couldn't WAIT to start each school year.

We have had such a fun summer. We went to Destin, Florida, St Louis (many times) and Uncle Ricky took you to Trail of Tears. We swam, played with bubbles, rode bikes, threw rocks in the river, played in the sprinkler, played with the neighbor kids and ate A LOT of popsicles!!! I was expecting Liam this entire summer. Which made doing things so difficult at times. You were so patient with me though. You would help me out. You'd clean up your toys and occasionally offer to get me something if you thought I needed it. You played with your brother and grew before my eyes. You took Tennis lessons this summer and decided you didn't want to play soccer this summer, but instead wants to play basketball in the winter. You have developed a mind of your own, which you've always KIND OF had, but REALLY have become an independent thinker.

You look more and more like a BOY instead of a lil kid. You are constantly trying to teach your brother something new. You are becoming quite the BIG brother.

I am so proud of you Brit! You are a true gem. You make being a mom an easy job. You always have. I enjoy being your mom. Always have. You are my first child/son. Just keep in mind as you enter first grade that as much as I love you, which is a lot...God loves you more. You are His...He is always with you, as long as you want Him there. Be a light for Him in your new school. You will be fine....your daddy and I will pray for you during the day while you are going through your day. I love you and can't believe you are a 1st grader...cheers to you my oldest son...I am proud of you...here's to a GREAT 1st grade year!!!

Love you,

Momma

moments I'm so blessed I witnessed....

1. the other day we were in line at Hobby Lobby and Aidy says, 'Brit why is there a wainbow adin?' Brit said, 'because God said he would send a rainbow to remind us that he has promised to never flood the earth again.' Aidy, said, with thumb in mouth, 'awshum'...

2. Josh and I were in the kitchen. I was cooking supper and Josh was taking the chairs off the table, as he had just helped me by cleaning the floors. Aidan walked into the room and said, "Wow daddy, are you strong like me?!" Josh laughed and said, "yeah, buddy, I'm strong like you".....

3. Brit and Aidy were swimming in the pool at our home. Brit said, "jump Aidy, I promise I'll catch you." Aidy, said, "no." Brit, "come on, I promise." Aidy, "Ok Bit, but pwomise not to wet go." Brit, "I promise, Aidy." he jumped...Brit caught him and did NOT let go! ;)

Being a stay at home mom at times can be trying...annoying, exhausting...how many more adjectives can I come up with...but these three days...I was sooo glad I was able to be home and witness these little things said by my boys. Makes me so proud to be a mom and it makes being a stay at home mom SOOOOO worth it!

10 foot tall and bullet proof

I have said before that Aidan knows no fear...He truly thinks he is 10 feet tall and bullet proof...well today, at Target, he proved once again that he truly thinks he is tough stuff. We were in the checkout and there was a family in front of us. I was loading the stuff on the counter and Aidan was standing in front of me. I happened to look down and Aidan had his nose wrinkled up and his tongue out at the boy in front of me...I said, "aidan, what are you doing, no sir, that is not ok." He looked at me with true sincerity and said, "Well, he did it to me first." Fact worth noting: the little boy was about 8 or 9....Aidan was NOT scared of him!!! My fearless boy!!! ;)

in the middle of the night...

It is 3:44 a.m. and I am awake....Normally this would upset me. However, I am finding that this is the time that God wakes me up and I spend time with Him, lifting my kids up, asking for His help in raising them.

It is always the same. I wake up around 3 with an urgency in my heart to lift up my kids in prayer for one issue or another so I get up, walk in their room, kneel, lay my hand on them and pray. Sometimes, if it's something that I feel really passionate about, words escape me. When this happens I find myself simply laying my hands on them and listening...I listen to the sound of their breathing, but more importantly I listen to what God is saying to me. I find that THIS is when our conversations are the most vivid. No, I am not dreaming. I am wide awake. I sometimes hear him telling me what I need to do to be a better mom, or what I need to do to protect them from the evil that's out there. Other times, I go in there, kneel down and know exactly what God wants to hear from me. I pray...I plead...and at times, I cry...Never in my life has my spiritual life been more active. I can almost SEE the evil around trying to invade my sons lives...I force it away in HIS name...I am almost always reminded of the painting by Ron Dicianni depicting an angel standing over a little boy as he sleeps...I have actually said, THAT God...THAT is what I am asking you to do right now...send an angel, of protection to watch my sons....to protect them from what I cannot see...

As I write this, I am sitting in Liam's room. He is in my tummy kicking around, happy as can be. I feel these little kicks and stop typing to place my hands and lift his little soul up. I find myself thanking God for him...pleading with God to protect him and deliver him safely to my arms and then to protect him thereafter.

Thank you Lord, for waking me up to talk to me....I love our talks..and I love the boys you have placed in my care...help me to not fail, to not fall..to raise them in YOUR image...Thank you God..

Stay at home mom, aka Professional Homemaker...

I had the privilege of meeting a lady who said in response of my answer of "I stay home", "oh, you're a professional homemaker." I could have hugged her. So often when I meet someone new and they ask what I do for a living and I say stay home, they say kind of quiet, 'oh'. Like oh, well, what you do isn't important, or it makes me uncomfortable, so I just won't say anything.

I have decided to change my thinking...From now on, whenever someone asks me what I do, I am going to hold my head up proudly, smile and say "I am a stay at home mom." I no longer care what people think of my profession. I am doing what God has asked of me. So from now on, here is my job description....

Uniform: any shirt is acceptable as long as it has mustard or ketchup on the shoulder, pants or shorts and they must have greasy fingerprints on them. hair~pony tail or pulled up with clips is the best.

Begin work with the sun or when the little guys come in and jump on you and ask for breakfast. Must be ready to hit the ground running. During the day you are responsible for preparing meals, cleaning up after meals, wiping mouths, wiping noses, breaking up fights and settling disputes. You also must enforce the completion of chores, and maintain a moderately happy environment.

You also need to be able to stop doing housework at a moments notice and snuggle in a chair with the child and their lovey. And if needed lay down with them while they take their nap.

The perks of this job are you get told 'I love you' at various times of the day and with no notice at all, a huge hug comes your way. You also are able to witness those little moments that makes being a mom worth while. Like when your children are playing together or when they tell you that no one is as beautiful as you are.

I am a stay at home mom.....aka a Professional Homemaker and so happy to be such!!!!

Awake again...

With all three of my pregnancies, the last month is marked by one thing....insomnia! I have the most awful time getting comfortable and am completely unable to sleep. For some, baby coming means less sleep. For me, it means MORE! With Britton I would lay on the couch and watch tv and try to sleep as I had to teach the next day. With Aidan, I would lay on the couch, watch tv and panic over having another child. With Liam, since he is our last, I find myself sitting in my chair, gazing out my window, thinking of my past two pregnancies and how different they have been. Last night was no different than any other night. About 3 a.m. I awoke and couldn't go back to sleep. I was burning up, though everyone else in the house was covered as if they were sleeping in a blizzard, and I was uncomfortable. So, instead of tossing and turning, I got up, when to Liam's room and sat in my chair and looked out the window. As I sat there I thought about how when Liam gets here, I will be able to sleep a little more again. Then I started remembering what it was like for each child and myself when they awoke in the middle of the night. I feel like I need to write them down, as I hadn't realized I remembered so much and someday I may forget....

Britton:

When Britton was a newborn, he wouldn't sleep unless he was holding my finger. I would take my pillow and put it half on my bed and on the side of his bassinet and hold his finger all night long. When he was awakening for a feeding, he would just belt it. Let out a scream. There was no building up to it. He was hungry and he wanted fed...NOW! I would nurse Britton, and sometimes we fell asleep together. I would awaken 2 hours later and try to put him in his bed, but no go..he needed my finger or me holding him!

Aidan:

When Aidan was a newborn, I didn't nurse. So, he would sleep a little longer than Brit. He would sleep in his bassinet and I would hear him start to stir. I knew that it meant it was time for him to eat. I would roll over, and hit the button on the bottle warmer and sneak in a few more z's before he really started to fuss, 2 minutes later! He would eat and then I would place him in his bed. He was back to sleep before I could get laid back down.

Each child so different. I am so curious as to how Liam will be. Will he be a screamer, feed me now, darn it...or will he just fuss a bit until he gets his bottle. I am so excited for him to be here. Ready to start our life with him. We are already making plans that include him, aka, vacation in October, vacation in December, wedding in June....but I am ready for him to be here now. I wanna see how Aidan reacts the first time he sees him. I cannot wait. I wanna see Britton the first time he kisses his brother's head. (he kisses my tummy now all the time and says, Hi Liam, it's Britton and I love you.) I know that he will be here for sure in a month, but that seems so far away. Especially since I do not sleep. I can wait, sure, but do I want to? No way! I wanna see this sweet baby now. Our final member of our family...Liam Jakob.....how will YOU make your mark on this family?! We will see soon enough!

bossy 6 year old...

So, I have a bossy six year old...Now those WITH or who HAVE had a six year old would probably be like...so?....but today Britton pulled one over on me that literally left me with my mouth hanging open....

I was preparing supper. At the same time that he walked into the kitchen, I yelled, "JOSH"...Brit said, "momma what do you need?" I said, "I need Daddy to help me with something." Brit, "What?" Me, "Well, I need help getting that bowl, I can't reach it." Brit, "Right now Daddy's drawing with me, I will have him come down in a little bit." I said, "but Brit..." He interrupted, "don't worry Momma, he will get it, I'll tell him to." I said, "Boy you sure are bossy today." Brit started to walk out of the kitchen then turned back and looked at me and said, "Rule of life #77, when you're mom says you're bossy it doesn't necessarily mean it's true."

And WHAT could I say to that??!!!

Britton IS his grandfathers grandson!!!

Today at supper, Britton asked me why they "throw rolls at that restaurant"...(Lamberts) I said, "well, that's just the way they do things.." He said, "What are they too lazy to WALK over there and give them to you?" Oh yes, Brit you are DEFINITELY your grandfather's grandson! You act just like your Poppa! Love you so much....Love your poppa too...

Britton's activism!

Today on the way into town Britton asked me about what was going to happen to the dolphins in the Gulf of Mexico b/c there is oil in the ocean. I told him I wasn't sure that it was a major concern right now. He said, well, are dolphins freshwater fish? I said, no..but there IS a dolphin in the Amazon River and it IS a freshwater fish, but the ones in the Gulf need saltwater to survive. He said, well, Mom, if there is ever any oil in the Amazon we are flying down there and getting those dolphins and putting them in our swimming pool....I chuckled and said, Ok Brit...no problem!

I am so proud of my little activist! Look out WORLD!!

Can't believe I did it!

I dropped Britton off at swimming lessons this a.m. and then went home to fold some laundry. Was folding laundry and visiting with Aidan and all of a sudden I looked at the clock. It was 10:45...I realized I was 15 minutes late to get Britton....by the time I got to the pool I was 25 minutes late! I am so horrified by this oversight that it's all I've thought about all day! I FORGOT my son! Sometimes I feel like my brain is on over load, obviously that is absolutely the case! When I got to the pool, I jumped out of the car and ran up the side walk and started apologizing to Britton and was crying, BIG TIME! Britton was so big and brave and he just kept saying, Mom it's ok. Everyone I told just laughed and then would share a story about how either THEY were left or they LEFT a child. I know it should make me feel better, but it really doesn't. I still, HOURS later, feel awful! It completely shook me. I AM capable of leaving a child someplace and forgetting them! UGH....God help me when Liam gets here and I have 3 to worry about!!

Hugs to you Britton....Mommy loves you so very much!

Little things I have noticed..

1. Britton will look me right in the eye if he needs to know how he should be feeling...

2. Aidan copies every move his brother makes sometimes, other times he does his own thing..

3. Britton is kinda sloppy..

4. Aidan is a collector...he makes treasures out of rocks, packing peanuts, sticks, etc.

5. Britton is reserved when showing love to others...

6. Aidan loves freely..

7. Britton is VERY compassionate and is always thinking of others feelings...

8. Aidan thinks he is 10 feet tall and bullet proof...

9. Britton loves to learn...

10. Aidan loves to explore

11. Britton will make anything a learning moment..

12. Aidan makes the world his playground...

but most importantly...

13..they will both occasionally say, I love you, to each other without provocation!

Bye Bit, have a good day...

Every morning at our house is chaos! Well, on school days that is. I get Brit up while trying to finish up myself, then get Aidan. Aidan is sure to wake up NOT wanting to be talked to...Brit wakes up ready to tell you his plans for world domination! Me, I am running from room to room making sure teeth are brush, clothes are on, lights are off, breakfast is eaten, backpacks are on, shirts are tucked in, well...you get the picture...I have a system...while any bystander would look at us and say, "holy cow, this is CHAOS"....it is a system, one I have perfected...for us.. In the bustle of the day, Brit and Aidan get in the car and off we go. Brit jabbers all the way to school, Aidan, thumb in mouth, looking like he'd rather be in bed. But when we get to Brit's school something happens...Brit gets out of the van and looks back before he closes the door and says, "bye Mom, love you, bye Aidy." Aidan, without fail, responds, "Bye Bit, have a good day". To which Brit responds, "you too Aidy, I love you." Aidan then, "love you too."

I do believe this small exchange is so important not only to the boys day....but also to mine...It makes me feel like, they don't necessarily need me, for them, to love each other. They love each other just fine.....

I often tell people that while Aidan was in my tummy, before we found out he was a boy, I would pray that God would give me what Britton needed....if he needed a sister, a girl, but if he needed a brother, a boy...Seeing my boys together, you can tell...God answered that prayer..They are JUST what the other needed....

I'm proud of you boys...love, Mom

Liam Jakob

The week of Christmas 2009, Josh and I found out we were going to have another baby. It has been a whirlwind pregnancy....completely different than the two before. I wasn't sick, I haven't gotten very big, I have craved ONLY apples and oranges, and have been EXHAUSTED! We just knew that these differences were because we were having a girl. On April 1, 2010, we found out that we were going to have another boy. The day we found out, we didn't have a name, had NO idea what we were going to name the baby other than we wanted the middle name to be Jakob..so..the name HAD to go with Jakob. The rest of the day was spent tossing names around. Finn, Liam, etc..I liked Finn but we had a little chuckle over Finn Griffin...and Josh liked Liam..but he said he would be fine with whatever I liked. That night, I went to bed. In my sleep, I had a dream, I was having a conversation with God. He was in front of me while I spoke with him. I asked him, "God, why couldn't you have sent me a girl? You know we are done after this baby, why couldn't we have a girl this time?" God said to me, "Misty, I sent to you the baby that your Grandfather chose for you." I said, "but why couldn't it have been a girl?" God said, "Misty, I am sending the child that your Grandfather and I chose for you." The next morning, I felt in my heart that this baby, this little miracle inside of me, his name was Liam. It just felt right in my heart. Later that day, I texted Josh a picture of an outfit that I had bought and I wrote, Liam's first outfit. He replied, Love it, the name and the outfit. When I got home, I decided that Britton's name means of British decent, Aidan's name means born of fire, I needed to know what Liam means. I looked it up...Liam means "the one who protects". Grandpa and God sent me a child and gave him the name "the one who protects". Then I got to thinking about it and realized that his middle name Jakob, and God appeared to me the same way he appeared to Jacob in the Bible, in a dream!

I have no doubt that God wants me to have this adorable boy in my tummy...Liam Jakob, I cannot wait to see you face to face. I love you,

Mommy

I am sitting in my room, on my bed, looking in at Aidan's room...I can't SEE anything, but what I hear is priceless...

In Aidan's room is Aidan and his brother Britton and they are playing. Enjoying each other. Giggling. I am sitting here listening..and imagining..(hey, it wouldn't be me if I weren't)..I am dreaming of the future. When we built this house, and decided to put in a teen suite bathroom for the boys, I dreamed of the following scenario...One of the boys, upset with me, is in their bedroom. The other one, slips through the bathroom to his brother's room and offers moral support...A silly scenario, but having been a teenager at one time, a LONG time ago, one I figure is likely. I have prayed for their relationship since the moment I found out that Aidan was a boy in my tummy. I knew God had given us a second boy for a purpose...I feel it was so Britton would have a best friend..a pal....a comrade in arms... You see, though they will have friends, probably many of them...Friends will come and go...But their brother will remain constant...When mom and dad lay down a law that seems soooo unfair, no one will understand it like their brother...when Josh and I pass on, no one will feel it like their brother. I don't expect them to ONLY lean on each other, friends are great too...but I want them to continue the relationship that is blossoming so beautifully in Aidan's room right now...a relationship that ONLY they understand, and a relationship that brings a smile to my lips.

I love you boys~

momma

The Words "I" Would Say....

If I were to share one major secret dream of mine, it would be to be able to write songs...Music has always moved me more than the spoken word. Say something to me and I'll listen, but SING it to me and I'll HEAR it....Especially a song where you can really tell what the person was thinking. It could be a story song, or just a thought provoking one, but I am always amazed when I feel like the song was written FOR me...

This feeling happened to me recently. I was driving down the road and this song by Sidewalk Prophets came on and the first chorus made my eyes burn with tears....

three in the morning,
And I'm still awake,
So I picked up a pen and a page,
And I started writing,
Just what I'd say,
If we were face to face,
I'd tell you just what you mean to me,
I'd tell you these simple truths,

Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say.

These lyrics are as if I wrote them. I have had these thoughts about Britton for years. I can imagine the conversation we would have when I said these things to him. I have already said some of them in one form or another. I was truly stunned when Sidewalk Prophets sang MY song to MY son. I thought, this has to have been written by a mom, so when I got home I looked it up. No, it was written by a man....I was shocked.

I have thought off and on of my wish that I were a talented song writer...Then I noticed the title as I was downloading the song on my computer. God showed it to me, of this I am certain....

These are the Words I would Say.....I don't need to write them. The songwriter wrote them BUT, these are the words I would say...(if indeed I were a songwriter)...

It started Out as a Feeling....

Was watching Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian tonight and heard a song that hit a chord in me. The song is the closing credits song and it is about saying good bye but not for good. The lyrics are:

started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry

I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never
Been this way before

All you can do is try to know
Who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes

The first verse of this song reminded me of how this dream to move to Colorado started. It started out as a feeling. After the summer Josh and I had and then our trip to Flagstaff, we realized we were not happy in Cape. It just isn't home to us. It feels like a stopping place for a short time, but not a permanent home. So, we started talking about the possibility of moving. it "grew into a hope." Then we started thinking about the possibility of moving. (a quiet thought) What would it be like. Could we handle it? Would the kids like it?

When I first approached the idea with Josh, it came out as "a quiet word" because I was unsure as to how he would take the idea. The more we talked about it the more confident we became that this was what should be and it became "louder and louder" and is now our "battle cry" so to speak. It is what gets us through the day here. We know that someday, God will take us to Colorado. We feel like God has told us to wait 3 years. Do not know what changes will occur in 3 years, and it is NOT going to be easy to wait, but we have to trust Him to guide us and assist us in this journey. Maybe we will be here until our "memories grow stronger and stronger, 'till there before our eyes." Until then, we will wait!

2010: a year of changes

Happy New Year...so much has happened since my last blog. We found out the week before Christmas that we were going to be blessed with another baby. So by the end of August our family of 5 will be complete. We are so excited.

Therefore we entered into 2010 with many hopes for many changes. Santa brought a puppy for Aidan and her name is Shelby. She is such a joy to us and Aidan adores her. He tells her everyday how much he loves her and gives her kisses and hugs. Now if we could only train her to go potty outside. :)

Another "change" for 2010 is we are taking actions to reach the ultimate relationship with our Savior which in turn will help Josh and I reach the ultimate relationship with each other. In April our plan is to go on a marriage retreat.

In 2010 we hope to continue teaching our children about God's beauty and artistry. Therefore we plan on taking the boys to the ocean AND to Colorado to see the majestic mountains. We are very excited about these upcoming trips. Aidan has never seen the ocean and we believe it is past time for him to do so.

In 2010 we also plan on just simply enjoying each other! We are going to simplify our lives. We know that God has blessed us, but our GREATEST blessings are the little ones who run at our feet, hug us unsolicited, drive us crazy, make endless messes, provide us with noses to wipe, and smile at us and tell us they love us even AFTER we have lost our tempers with them. The other things, we don't really NEED..We just NEED each other!

Our motto for 2010: We may not have it all together, but together we have it ALL!!!

Happy New Year!!!