The Ultimate ESPRESSO

Had a startling realization yesterday.  For the last week, I have found myself to be VERY grumpy and irritable.  Things that normally roll right off my back, really hurt me and things that are normally ignorable have driven me up a wall!  Major grumpy mode.
Yesterday, I was sitting in church and had this sudden thought....for the past two weeks, things have been so hectic..actually, scratch that..since the first day of school this school year, things have been NUTS...Getting three up, dressed, fed, teeth brushed, driven to school, then home to chase a one year old, who amazingly enough, can wreak more destruction than the other two combined, has made me have this undesirable urge to SLEEP!  Whenever I sit still for too long, I am out.  Eyes close, head bobbing..the whole kit n caboodle!  This new love and desire for sleep, has caused me to do one thing and I believe that this could be the cause for is my extremely grumpy mood (no comments hubby, please)..This new schedule (as opposed to the laid back philosophy we adopted over the summer) has caused me to oversleep and miss my daily quiet time.  That wonderful time that this summer, I spent on my deck or in my chair reading, talking and listening to Him hasn't been happening.  That precious time where I enjoy his presence....I've been missing it.  No time in His word...no journal writing...Insert grump-ola here!   
It is just like when I haven't seen my kids or my husband for a substantial period of time. I have noticed that if I have to go more than 24-48 hours away from my kids, I am always so eager to have them back with me...to see their smiling face...hear their raucous giggles.  And, if by some chance, I am not able to see them for longer than 48 hours, I get a wee bit grumpy (as Aidan would say).  And, now, I notice, the same holds true for my Abba...I haven't gotten to speak to him (my fault) or sit and enjoy his presence (my fault again) consistently since school started...and man is my attitude showing it!  Grouchy McGroucherson party of one!

(did I mention I've been grouchy?)

The problem that I have, and as a fellow momma, you may suffer from this too..is HOW...how do we do it? How do we get up...when we are dying to sleep for 30 more mins before we hit the ground running...(literally, remember I have a 1 year old!).  How do we keep our bodies from crashing...or nodding off during our quiet time? When life is all about schedules right now...how?!  And while I would like to say, "well, let me tell you", I cannot.  I, like all you other momma's, am going to just have to figure this one out myself.  But one thing is for sure...in order for me to be a happy momma, I am going to have to meet my Abba..every morning...without fail.  Perhaps, we aren't all that much UNLIKE the desciples in the garden...we too, wanna sleep, instead of conversing with Him.  hmmmm...However, he has told us...through David, that My(our) soul finds rest in God alone; my(our) salvation comes from Him.  He alone is my(our) rock and my(our) salvation; he is my(our) fortress, I(we) will never be shaken....though coffee is, huh, well, AWESOME...HE is my rock...I only truly find rest and feel rejuvenated when I am with Him...He is, in coffee terms, my quad venti whatever-ochino!
So, tomorrow morning...join me...you in your spot, me in mine...and in spirit we will join Him...and thank Him for the energy to get through the day.  Whether your day involves corporate mergers, driving a tractor, serving food or chasing a one year old...we can do it...while we may get tired...one whispered prayer and he will rejuvenate us...

O God, you are my God 

earnestly I seek you;

My soul thirsts for you,

in a dry and weary land

where there is no water.  

And in meeting him...we will be rejuvenating...re hydrating.
Let's keep our souls hydrated...

My "spot"

At the fire

There was a poem that was in a book that I absolutely adored as a young child.  I can still remember, so clearly, WHERE the book was located in the library at my elementary school.  Every week, during library, there were several of us who just hoped and prayed that our table got called first to go check out a book so we could get that book.  The book was Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein.  Still to this day, when I see my own copy of this beloved book my heart does a lil flip and I can't WAIT to open it and read.  Every time, as a child, and I was the lucky one who got to check the book out, would start the same way..I practically had it memorized, but still, I always started with page one.  Odd that I mentioned that you might think since it's a book and starting with page one is usually the way it is done.  However, Where the Sidewalk Ends is a book of poems.  Thus, there is no RIGHT place to start. Just open it up and take off!  My, personal, take off place was always the first poem....

"If you are a dreamer, come in.

If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar,

A hope-er, a pray-er, a magic bean buyer,

For we have some flax golden tales to spin.

Come in!

Come in!"

Come in...no matter what. No matter what the situation. No matter if you like to dream, wish, hope, pray or LIE..no matter what! Come in. 
I firmly believe I have always loved the idea of being loved for me.  I have always thought the idea of not having to live my life to prove myself, to make someone else happy, to be able to be open and honest about mistakes and not pretend they never occurred would be such a glorious way to live.  That instead of ignoring the 10,000 pound elephant in the room, ask it to sit beside you.  Not simply to be silently accepted..but to be told..no matter what your situation, come in! A dream world, maybe. 
This poem always made me feel that no matter what I am like, brown hair, blue eyes, slightly frumpy...that I am alwyas welcome at Shel's fire.  He wants me to come in no matter what.  He wants to spin fun tales with me!  And after a giddy moment, all those years ago, I would dive face first into his book of flax golden tales! ***ahhhh***
Now, as an adult...I find I am still the same way.  My most treasured friendships are the ones where we can just be in the same room (or driveway) and not have to talk.  Oh, sure, we'll chat every now and then, but silence is ok too.  Complete acceptance.  Just being me.  As glorious as those friendships are, there is something in my life that is even more glorious (if you can imagine).  You see, I have a relationship with the King of Kings.  The most powerful being on the earth...heck, he created the world!  AND, he wants to be with me.  I don't have to confess my mistakes to him and hide my head and hope he still likes me, no...he knows everything already and he still wants to be near me.  No false pretenses, no expectations...just me being me...the me he made.  He knows I am prone to emotion...he's ok with that.  He knows I feel less than adequate, I'll give you the strength, He says.  He too, like Shel, wants me to sit by his fire.  He, too, wants to hear my dreams.  He, too, wants to tell me His plans for me.  But more importantly he, too, just wants to be with ME.  Maybe I'm different...maybe I'mt he only one in the world who feels that the idea of someone just telling me to come in so they can enjoy my presence for a bit is absolutely delightful...maybe.  Or, maybe you too, feel that someone accepting you as you are would be a breath of fresh air.  No pretenses. You just as you are!  Wrinkles? He loves 'em!  Gray hair? No problem!  Bed head...bad breath...none of that matters.  He just wants to meet you...at your fire. 
True, unabashed, unconditional love...just you and Him.  Join Him...at his fire..you have some flax golden tales to spin! 

"My heart has heard you say, 'Come and talk with me.' And my heart responds, 'Lord, I am coming.'" Psalm 27:8 New Living Translation

We are ALL Jars of Clay

This morning my reading was in 2 Corinthians 4:1-7, which I would like to share...
Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God.  On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God. And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing.  The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the Glory of Christ, who is the image of God.  For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus sake.  For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.  But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us." 

When I first read this..I had to research what the "jars of clay" comment was...you see, to me, a person who LOVES pottery, I thought it meant a precious vessel and while we are indeed precious vessel's...that isn't exactly what theologians believe Paul is referring to.  Jars of clay are easily broken...they are frail, fallible.  We as humans, are frail..even fallible, but Jesus, God, trusts US with his message.  So, when we are in ministry whether it be in Zambia, China, our workplace or even in our homes with our little charges, we are entrusted with HIS message.  We do not lift ourselves up and say, "aren't we AWESOME!"  Quite the opposite, we lift Him up and say "isn't HE awesome!" We need to renounce secret and shameful ways.  We need to not be deceitful or distort the Word of God (to fit our own agendas!!)...we need to let the light shine in the darkness. 
This passage hit me between the eyes this morning...as I prepare for another season of Operation Christmas Child, I have to be sure my focus remains on HIM...not me...not the truck (and how many boxes are in it) but the Savior who has asked me, a frail, jar of clay, to pack a shoe box and pray for the child, sight unseen, who will receive it...and in doing so, share the light of Jesus with a dark world. 
I am reminded of a song that was popular when I was in High School, by a band named Audio Adrenaline and I will close with a portion of the song...perhaps the portion that tends to make me stop and re-evaluate my actions every time I hear it! 
I wanna be your hands, I wanna be your feet, I wanna go where you send me, go where you send me.  ~Audio Adrenaline

In the Shadow

While I was outside with Liam this afternoon, I thought it might be fun to put him in the wagon and give him a ride.  Aidan was never "into" the wagon the way Britton was so I have kinda gotten out of the habit of a child who enjoys a wagon ride.  Liam, who no doubt will continue to surprise me, LOVED it.  I believe he enjoyed it more than Britton used to, and that is saying a lot!  While we were taking our walk, I pointed out the pretty trees and I told him stories of what his brothers were like and how I met his daddy.  And he listened..yeah, yeah, I know he's only ONE...but he didn't try to jump out of the wagon which tells ME he loved my stories. (I would appreciate staying ignorant in my bliss, ok?!) So, during my version of how Daddy let Britton unroll all the toilet paper when HE was one & how we learned our lesson on that...I turned and looked at Liam.  He was sitting perfectly still in the wagon, smiling, with his eyes closed because the SUN was blinding him! (yeah, mother of the year, I am NOT) Shucks..so, in being the AWESOME creative person I am, and forgetting that I have sunglasses for him, I decided to block the sun with my body/shadow and pull the wagon backwards.  Now you may be thinking that this is going to end in me tripping or in some other blooper-like fashion, but no....I was fairly graceful....but it was surprisingly difficult to keep him IN my shadow..b/c not only were we moving (me walking, pulling wagon) but he was rocking back and forth in the wagon as well.  It was during my battle at keeping him in my shadow that I had a thought...
I wonder, if it is as hard for the Lord to keep me in HIS shadow as it was for me to keep Liam in mine? Like a child, I am always moving...always thinking I got things UNDER CONTROL! Always leaving his side to see what's "out there".  THEN when things start to fall apart, I wonder where He is. When I can no longer "see" I figure it out and I run back to his side and promise never to leave again. For it is in His shadow that I find rest, safety, comfort, shelter.  And, while it was difficult for me to keep Liam in my shadow, I kept doing it...I never quit (well, till we were done, that is!) and our Abba is the same way.  He stays with me, and even follows my wiggles. WOW.  What a mighty God we serve!  So, the next time you're outside and you see your shadow, thank the maker of the shadow and thank Him for keeping you in His.

Psalm 17:8 Keep me as the apple of your eye, hide me in the shadow of your wings.  
(ok, so I so love that one...apple of his eye...hehe..love that!)

Psalm 36:7 How priceless is your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings.  

Psalm 57:1 Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me, for in you my soul takes refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings, until the disaster has passed.  


Isaiah 49:2a He made my mouth like a sharpened sword, in the shadow of his hand he hid me.

Hoping these offer you some comfort and serve as a reminder just awesome his shadow is!

Liam, in the shadow of the house!

A Moment of Glory

Princess Kate

As I'm sure you've noticed by now, I am quite taken with the idea of momma's sticking together...and in doing so, we will end the Momma-wars that have been occurring since the beginning of time...Sarah/Hagar, Rachel/Leah... I firmly believe, that if we join together not only as believers but as honest women, momma's, we will be a force to be reckoned with.  A force for Him.
So, today, I come to you as a Momma..and ask all you momma's & future momma's to join with me in lifting up a little girl named Kate.  You see, Kate was born with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS). Kate's Momma and daddy were given 4 options: abortion, compassionate care only, a series of 3 corrective surgeries or a heart transplant.
Kate is almost 3 and today, she is having another heart surgery.  Kate is a bubbly little girl who believes in princesses and fairy tales but most importantly she believes in Jesus.
Several weeks ago, Kate started showing some distress over having this surgery...she's a smart one, she knew what was coming..and her momma started lifting her up and asking God to give Kate a peace about what was to take place in the coming weeks.  Not too long after, Kate began talking and playing with an imaginary friend named Jeffie.  Kate was adament that the friends name was Jeffie and not Jessie or any other name that she might have heard on tv or in a storybook.  Not sure where Kate heard the name, the family was a bit baffled.  However, as time went on, Jeffie became a "member" of their family, as Kate had him with her at all times.  A couple of weeks ago, Kate's Momma shared with those following Kate's story that a friend of Momma had looked up the meaning of the name Jeffie...it means peace.  *gulp* While writing this I am still speechless over this revelation...this display of God's great love for us...his love for Kate.   My hubs asked me, as I shared the meaning of Jeffie with him, do you think it's an angel? And I have no doubt that God sent an angel...an angel of peace...an angel named Jeffie.
Now, as I've shared in previous posts, God is teaching me a lot about doing things for HIS glory.  How, things occur in our lives and when they do..we should seek His glory in them...if we can't find it, ASK Him to reveal it to us...You see these things that are occurring to Kate are not punishment or a curse, if you will...no..they are just more evidence to the fact that we are humans.  We are flesh & bone...however, we are blessed by a God who loves us, an Abba who will hold us, console us...send angels to give us peace.  And, through Kate's experiences, we are seeing His glory.  These trials that Kate's Momma and daddy and even brothers are experiencing are showing His glory to the world, to those of us who are blessed to hear it...or blessed to witness it with our own eyes.  
John 17:1 (Jesus speaking to God and I have added Kate's name in...)
Father, the time has come.  Glorify your Kate (Son), that your Kate (Son) may glorify you.
The nurses, doctors...all will see His Glory today...

Oh, but it is not enough for us to SEE His glory and do nothing...we could see it, hear the story of Kate & Jeffie and say ooh that gave me chills, maybe wipe a tear or two....and then go on with life as a busy Momma.  No, you see that would be the equivalent of a singer whose voice is straight from the heavens, singing in an empty building...we need to not only see God's glory...but to also praise him for it.  To see it for what it is.  An example of the way He loves us.  John Piper said, "God is glorified not ONLY by his glories being seen, but by it's being rejoiced in." Rejoice...rejoice that God's glory has been revealed in Kate...rejoice that it will continue to be revealed in Kate...through her surgery, her family's willingness to share their walk through this experience, through her friend Jeffie, through her Peace...an example that God exists.
So, if you're reading this..take a moment to spend time with your Abba, your daddy.  And praise him for the love he has for you...your kids...and all other Momma's kids out there.  And as Momma's, join with me and let's lift up a fellow Momma...Kate's Momma...that Jeffie sits with her and holds her hand while her baby is in surgery and while her baby heals and through it all, the WORLD may see His glory!

Psalms 43:4 Then I will go to the altar of God, to God, my exceeding joy; and upon the lyre (a stringed instrument) I shall praise you, O God, My God.  

amen.