Therapy and Personal Time

Yesterday Josh, myself and the boys headed to St. Louis to get some items for Aidan's 4th birthday party. We had just left Target Greatland (sigh) and were headed to Whole Foods. As we drove through the parking lot, we passed a large pet store. I saw a small sign in the median that said "Rescue Pet Adoption Today". I turned the car into a parking lot and put the car in park. Josh said, "What are you doing?" I said, "Aidan and I are going in." Josh replied, "um, ok?" I turned toward Aidan and said, "come on Aidy, come in with me." He questioned me when we were going in. I explained that I thought there were some animals in there and we were going in to see them. We walked in and I turned right, following a sign that read "Adoptions". As I lead Aidy, his voice got very animated "Momma, I saw puppies in a kennel, come ON!" I let him lead me. We saw the puppies and both Aidy and I fell to our knees. I can only imagine what we looked like. I opened a kennel and picked up a puppy, the same vanilla color as Shelby. The puppy was scared, so I held her. I squatted down and Aidy hugged the dog and began loving on her. I watched..unable to form words. We spent the next 15 minutes lost in puppy love, hugging and snuggling. Aidy kept giving the puppy treats and petting them. I watched and marveled. And I smiled! I smiled from ear to ear...I smiled like a crazy person...and a realization came to me. I knew the week that we lost Shelby that one of the biggest things I missed was seeing Shelby and Aidy together. I missed watching my middle child, my snuggle bunny give love to another creature. Unconditional, selfless love. In that pet store with some pets who needed love as much as we needed to give it, I got to see it again. I enjoyed every minute of it. I have noticed that in the past few weeks since we have lost Shelby, Aidan has been kind of grumpy. He hasn't talked about her much and when we try to talk about her happy moments, he would not respond. He would actually shut down on us. After we left the pet store, and got into the car, he spent the next several hours periodically recalling happy things about Shelby and her short life with us. Then after we got home, he said, "Momma, I enjoyed our personal time." I wasn't sure to what he was referring and I said as much. He said, "when it was just you and me wooking at the puppies." I felt my heart lurch, "Yes Aidy, I loved our personal time too." I smiled and thought: oh yes, it did momma so good to see you hold and love on a puppy again...and yes, I LOVED our personal time...our personal mourning time...something that ONLY Aidan and I could understand...something we need to experience together. A VERY good personal time indeed.

Are you waiting for your girl?

I am always dumfounded by people when they say to me, "so, you gonna keep trying till you get YOUR girl?" or "you have 3 boys?! Wow, how many more until you decide to give up?" or "oh gosh...3 boys huh?" I've even had someone apologize to me because I have 3 boys. I could correct them...or help them see the error of their ways...however, I do not believe MY words are going to change them. I will say this though...please do not apologize to me. There is no need. I LOVE being a boy mom. Every day I am reminded how God gave me EXACTLY what I need in my life. I am not waiting until I have a girl for my life to be complete. It is complete now. I did not have my boys as a means to an end in the quest to get "my girl". My boys are MY LIFE. I do NOT need a girl to be complete or fulfilled. I feel so sorry for anyone who says these things to me or even if you THINK these things. Yes, at one time, I was like you. I thought that everyone needs a girl. This is simply not the case any longer. Yesterday I was at a cheerleading competition. I was watching it and enjoying it. A mom comes up to me and says how many daughters do you have? I replied, None, I have 3 boys. She said, oh, what are you doing here? Well, last I checked I was a girl! I just laughed, because as I said, my opinions are not going to make her see her error. After she walked off, I stood there and examined my heart. DO I still long for a girl? DO I think my life would be BETTER if I had a daughter? Then with an almost startling revelation, I realized...NO! I was standing there enjoying every minute of the cheerleading competition, but I was not longing for a girl. I saw a path that I will not be able to set foot on unless my sons have daughters, but..that's ok.

What is wrong with our culture? When we feel like not having a girl in a family means the family is not complete. What message are we sending our sons? We expect our sons to be gentlemen, sensitive, respectful of women, but then we send them the message that they are of less value than a girl. Think about it...a girl mom will spend a FORTUNE on clothes for a girl...she has boy...and it's slicky pants and t shirts...Don't get me wrong. My sons LOVE their slicky pants and t shirts, but I love shopping for my boys clothes. And I bet if we could somehow measure it..I work MUCH harder than the girl moms at FINDING those cute clothes! lol..Clothes manufacturers will design three times as many girl clothes as they do boy clothes. In China, the girls are the ones of less value than the boys. The same is true in some middle eastern countries. Is THIS why we act as if the GIRL is the end all of parenting joys?! We are trying to fix their error?

At the cheerleading competition, I called Josh and asked him to bring me something.

Then a bit later, when he came, my sons came too to say hello to me and I took my 6 year old in the gym so he could see the cheerleaders perform. I explained to him how they were being thrown high in the air...and I had a thought that some of my good friends would get onto me, that I am going to "make him gay". I say this to you...NO, I am going to help him be a sensitive boyfriend, guy pal to his girl pals, and husband and later a father. Think about your husband, best guy pal, or brother. When you put a girl movie in, does he make sarcastic remarks, oh yeah, a CHICK FLICK? Or does he sit and watch it with you and see good aspects even though the movie was CLEARLY for a girls enjoyment? If he does the latter, either you got REALLY lucky, trained him VERY well OR, his father/mother SHOWED him by example how to be respectful and sensitive to a ladies interests. By taking my sons to a sport led and conquered by women/ladies/girls, I am showing them that girls are strong individuals and that as a man, it is God's calling on their lives to be sensitive to the desires/interests of women. Even IF they truly think it's dumb!

I have heard numerous times, my moms of boys, make comments about not taking their sons to see the Hannah Montana movie or Tangled in the theatre. That's a GIRL movie...well, my sons have seen both. They enjoyed them both. They went for ME. I wanted to see them. It is equally wrong for us BOY moms to think that the ONLY way we can bond with our sons is to do so on THEIR turf! Yes, we should roll in the mud with them, but I want my sons to be good husbands, good daddies! I want them to WANT to take their wives or daughters to see the latest Disney girlie movie! And to be able to walk away and say, Wow that was funny/good. The last time we were at Disney World, we had went to the Star Wars ride and every other ride that appealed to my sons and husband. I had one request...I wanted to see Beauty and the Beast on stage. Brit complained. "ugh," he said, "this is for GIRLS." My husbands response was one that I will hold close to my heart for the rest of my existence! He said, "guys, mommy has done all of our GUY stuff, we can enjoy a GIRL thing with her!" I loved that! Because guess what...Mommy IS a GIRL! Now, you might be saying, or justifying..well, I have boys AND girls and so Dad can take the BOY movies and I will take the girl movies...no...no...no...I say, if you are all going out as a family to see a movie..then SEE A MOVIE AS A FAMILY! It does NOT hurt your girls to support their brothers in THEIR interests nor does it hurt your sons to support their sisters in THEIR interests! You are a family! Your sons will grow to appreciate girls interests and your daughters will grow to appreciate boys interests. In our home, we will see guy movies for the boys and daddy and see girl movies for Momma! Say what you will, but I KNOW my sons will grow to be better rounded men because of it!

A letter to you...

My Dear Aidan,

I wanted to take a minute to write you a letter sharing some of my memories of you and Shelby. You wanted her so badly. You asked Santa for her. She was all you wanted for Christmas that year. You were only 2. Santa came through and brought her to you. You were so excited. She became your instant companion. You would wake up every morning and go see her in the garage and snuggle with her on the floor. The bigger Shelby got, the funnier you two were. She got to a point where whenever you would run she could SOMEHOW manage to take your pants off! You would come in crying saying Shelby took your pants, I'd look out the window and there she would be either running through the yard with them or laying on them in her bed. After she stopped stripping your pants off, she began taking your lovey. You would scream, NO SHELB. She'd grab it and run. It was pretty funny. We'd have to get onto her though, she needed to learn. One day I walked out in the garage and she had your coat in her kennel and was laying on it. She had that coat until summer set in and I guess she drug it off somewhere. I think she wanted it because it smelled like you. Your dad and I would joke that you two were two of a kind. You made messes and Shelby made messes. You were happy go lucky in your mess and so was she. We would get onto her and she'd pout...and yes, so did you. The thing that amazed me the most was the bigger she got, the more gentle she became with you. She still tortured poor Brit, by jumping on him and such, but you, she just snuggled and walked beside you. She was so loyal. One of my favorite images was watching you walk across the street to play with Ben and Emma and Shelby walking beside you. She had the speed to run off and leave you, but she was content to just be next to you.

One day, you were outside and Shelby had chewed up something. I was getting ready to get onto her and you walked up to her and said, "Shelby Dale!" I couldn't get onto her after that. I was both laughing too hard and she looked as if she had been dealt the worse punishment in the world!

Even in Shelby's last moments, her loyalty to you was clear. She was lying in the grass and you came out to say goodbye. When I explained to you what was about to occur, you started to scream. I looked down at Shelby and in her pain she tried to lift her head. She wanted to comfort you. She loved you, my sweet boy. And you loved her. I don't know what the future holds for us, as far as getting another pet, but I know one thing is for sure....Shelby was a wonderful dog, loyal and loving to you. You loved her too. I am so glad "Santa" brought her to you. I got to spend an entire year watching you pour out your love to her. It is an image I will forever hold in my heart. I love you son...

Momma

A Sad Day..

This evening something happened that I never dreamed would. Our dog, yellow lab, was hit by a car and died. When the neighbor called to tell us that Shelby was lying in her driveway, Josh and I ran over. When we got there we knew it was bad...Shelby wouldn't even look up. She was hurt bad. I will leave out the gory details, but something happened before Shelby went to be with her maker that will forever hold a place in my heart. I knew it was getting bad, as her breathing was getting labored. I asked Josh to send out the boys. He ran in and got them. They came out and I explained to give Shelby a kiss because she was hurt and was going to die. They started kissing her and crying. Aidy's wail was so heartbreaking that Shelby started trying to lift her head. I couldn't believe it. Even in her duress she was trying to comfort Aidan. From the beginning she has been Aidan's dog. Santa brought her to him because that was all he asked for. A dog! He loved her from the beginning. It didn't matter if she was muddy..he hugged on her anyway. His love for her was truly unconditional! And tonight, as she breathed her last breaths she was ready to comfort Aidan, her master. After we got to the hospital with her and they told us she was gone. They brought her in for us to kiss and hug. I was petting her and Aidy was trying to kiss her, but was too short. I picked him up and he kissed her ear and said, "I love you Shelb, you were my favorite dog." Pure and true unconditional love.

Be Where You Belong

I saw this statement on the wall at REI in Colorado Springs, CO during our recent trip. I hesitate in blogging about it because I don’t want anyone offended, but I feel it is something I need to write about and as blogging is my modern journal, here goes!

All my life I have had a rather adventurous heart! Some may say restless. But I can honestly say that now, at the age of 33 my restless heart or adventurous heart is being guided by my Abba. I have always loved to try new things. I love going to new places. I love meeting new people. Lately, for the past year, I have felt God calling my heart to begin a new chapter in my life. I have had this indescribable pull toward Colorado Springs. I kept telling Josh we need to vacation there. So, we packed up the car and we went. The hiking, the outdoors lifestyle, the environment, the weather, it all made me feel so at home. On day 4 of our 5 day stay there, I was in REI doing a bit of shopping. I was standing in line ready to pay for my purchases and I looked up. On the wall it said “Be Where You Belong.” I couldn’t help but chuckle. It seemed to say in four words, what I had been trying to describe since we had arrived. I felt I belonged there! I felt as if I fit. When we went to Focus on the Family, I felt that God had a purpose for me to see such an amazing ministry. I know that God has a purpose for everything in my life. And because I try to let Him have the steering wheel, I know he is guiding me. I just can’t hardly wait to see which direction he is going to send us. If he sends us to Colorado, we will go. (me a bit more eager than Josh, I believe, but go we shall) If he calls us to North Carolina, we will go. Wherever, he wants us to go...we will go....As I said, I am just so impatient to see WHERE that will be!

I lift my eyes to the mountains, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip-he who watches over you will not slumber.

Funny things I heard my kids say on our trip: Part Deux

Aidan:

a knight will glow in the dark, because it is night and that makes sense!

Capesh means give me a piece! (said to Britton when he wouldn’t share his candy)

Britton:

me to Brit: oh, Britton, you have a dimple! his response: oh man, (little girl in his class who will remain nameless) is going to TOTALLY fall madly in love with me NOW!