do we?

Do we ever truly hear God? Or is it just our deepest desires springing forth?
Do we ever truly feel Him move? or is it just emotion?
Do we ever truly feel His arms around us? Or is it just the longing for love toying with our emotions?
Do we ever truly KNOW what the right thing is? Or are we all diluted in our thinking that God would even care?
Do we ever truly understand His will? Or does he not even care enough to have a will for us?
Do we even need a God?
Do we?

Endings, beginnings & contemplations

This week is the last week of the school for Britton & Aidan. Brit is finishing first grade & Aidan is taking a break from preschool. He will start pre-K in the fall. I most of the day watching Britton at his track & field day. After he was out for the day, I went to Aidan's school to bring him home from his last day of the 2010-2011 preschool year for him. When I got to Aidan's school, I went in with his teacher and had a conference about his progress for the school year. It was such a thought provoking moment for me, I haven't been able to get it off my mind. Aidan is the middle child. Now, I have read all the literature that tells me what to expect from my middle boy, but today, I realized something about my middle son, that I don't believe I have noticed before. In several pictures that Aidan's teachers showed me, he was playing alone. Now, as a mom, worry immediately struck...does he have friends? does no one like him? is he sad? lonely? But then his teachers had noted that while yes, he does sometime go off and play alone, he DOES play with friends. My thoughts veer into another direction. On days when Aidan doesn't have school, he frequently asks me when Liam is going to take a nap. During his baby brother's nap time, he plays alone. I believe that my little middle guy, who is usually surrounded by his brothers, NEEDS and THRIVES on that alone time! Don't get me wrong, yes, I do still worry! But, don't we ALL need time to be alone with our own thoughts..our own PERSONAL time? Aidan has ALWAYS been early on everything he has done...I guess, needing his own personal time, is no different.

Love You Aidan Dale...proud of you...and son don't EVER be afraid, to steal off by yourself for time for yourself...it takes a confident little guy to do that!
love,

Momma

I was made to love you...& be loved by you!

This morning in church, I had one of those moments that we Christians live for. The lights were down and a song that reminded me how awesome the God is that I serve. I found myself unable to worship Him by ONLY singing the words and within a few minutes my hands were up in the air. After the song was over, I was struck by a thought...something I have never heard addressed in any theology magazine, discussed behind the pulpit or been instructed on by my camp counselors of old. And that is WHAT exactly am I to do with my hands once the song has ended, the preacher has begun speaking but I am NOT done worshiping...that thought, like MOST thinking I do, led to another thought...why is it that when we/I worship, do I feel weird STOPPING...like I should keep going..
Well, I have a theory about that. We were made to worship. When we raise our hands in worship in public arenas, a question arises. How exactly do we put them down? Do we do so quickly, slowly or slowly and merge them into a polite clap? Do you put them in your pocket? Clasp them? I believe this inability to feel comfortable doing ANYTHING other than raising them in praise is because PRAISE is what we were designed for. Now, yes, I agree that our every act is supposed to be worship...when we look at the flowers, we breathe them in and THAT is also an act of worship, but should it stop there? Now I understand that if we are in the flower shop & we throw our hands up in the air we will very likely be labeled the town lunatic. But THAT is what we were made for!! To PRAISE our creator! So, what exactly should we do..we were designed to worship, but know that worshiping public in certain areas will get us a private room in the local looney bin! Well, we worship in formal settings, aka church. We worship at our home...we throw those hands up...and then anxiously await the moment when we are called home & the place where having your hands clasped calmly in front of you will not be normal...but instead have them up all the time and have no one look at you strangely!!!

Somedays go by and I only think of her once, but other days are like today....when I think of her and all of a sudden I feel like my heart is broken and I could break down in tears. I feel like Shelby was stolen from us...we didn't even have her for a year and a half...she was a member of my family. I miss rubbing her ears...I miss kissing her head...I miss watching Aidy play with her...I MISS HER.....

Music...Life...Joy's & Tragedy

A week or so ago, I found out that one of my friends from high school's brother has leukemia. They rushed him to a St Louis hospital with the hopes that the type they believed it was would be easy to nip in the bud. 6 days later, they find out it's worse than they believed. He is a husband & a daddy of 3 girls exactly the same ages as my boys. My heart sunk. I knew I wanted to send an e card to him and his wife at the hospital, but wasn't sure what to say...I decided to wait..

I was bebopping around the kitchen, music playing on my computer...love the new Brandon Heath's cd...Aidy's eating lunch, Liam's eating a cracker in his high chair and I am trying to get the boys to eat. All of a sudden, I felt the urge to stop. I was reminded of the testimony of Jeremy Camp, the Christian music artist who lost his wife to cancer & the song that his experience inspired.

God had given me the words to share with him and his wife. I don't know if they will comfort him or her...how DO you comfort someone in the prime of their lives after they've been told this may be it? What do you say? What do you do? I did all that I know to do...I placed them in the hands of my Father...he is Healer, Comforter, Sustainer, and a beautiful Poet...HE can take care of the situation in a way I cannot.

If I am ever in the situation that my friends are in, I pray that you, my friends/family will remind me of this post...b/c I know when you're IN the mire, you don't always remember what you KNOW to be true...

Christmas in.....April (it's all a frame of mind)

Today when we were on our way home from church, Aidan was sitting in the back seat, singing.....Christmas songs! He was onto the song Santa Claus is Coming to Town when the words he "ad libbed" in caused our van to erupt in laughter. Here is what he sang...
"he see's you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good, but he never really cares."

Josh and I were talking later and realized that this little addition to Aidy's song, explains sooo much!! ;)