I Refuse..

I went to see Josh Wilson in concert last night with my three boys and husband. I was so excited to see Josh and Matthew West both...I couldn't wait to see Josh Wilson sing my song "Before The Morning", a song that has become a sort of anthem for me.

Do you wonder why you have to

Feel the things that hurt you

If there's a God who loves you where is He now

Maybe there are things you can't see

And all those things are happening

To bring a better ending

Someday somehow you'll see you'll see

Would you dare would you dare to believe

That you still have a reason to sing

Cause the pain that you've been feeling

It can't compare to the joy that's coming

So hold on you gotta wait for the light

Press on and just fight the good fight

Cause the pain that you've been feeling

It's just the dark before the morning

My friend you know how this all ends

You know where you're going

You just don't know how you'll get there

So say a prayer

And hold on cause there's good for those who love God

But life is not a snapshot

It might take a little time but you'll see the bigger picture

Every part of this song resonates with me. There have been so many times when I have felt like I am being attacked by everything at once, and I say a prayer, something like, God I cannot handle this anymore...and it is ALWAYS at that moment whether I'm in the car or in the house with the radio on, that at that moment, I hear "Before the Morning" come on.

So, here we were at the concert and I was so eager to hear Josh Wilson sing my song. The first song he sings is "I Refuse", a song I have heard on the radio numerous times, but never REALLY listened to. Sunday night, I listened.

Cause I don’t want to live like I don’t care.

I don’t want to say another empty prayer.

Oh, I refuse to

Sit around and wait for someone else

To do what God has called me to do myself.

Oh, I could choose

Not to move but I refuse.

A year and a half ago, God told me that we would be moving to Colorado. I really wasn't sure why, still am not sure, but the love that God has given me for this place is unmistakable. I have no doubt that either for my sons future's or mine and Josh's, our home will someday be Colorado. Occasionally, I get scared and think maybe I have misunderstood. Maybe God really DIDN'T call me. Maybe I am wrong. I have the thoughts that I am comfortable here. My kids are in good schools, we have friends, our families are here...But Sunday, as I actually listened to this song, it was like God was slapping me in between the eyes. Because, I DON'T want to live like I don't care...I DON'T want to say another empty prayer...I REFUSE..I refuse to sit around and wait for SOMEONE else to do what GOD has called me to DO MYSELF...I COULD choose not to move, but I REFUSE! In the last year and a half, God has shown me many things. Yes, I can do work here, but he has called me to do work THERE. I could choose, not to move, but...hey, I REFUSE! I am NOT going to let anyone else do the job God has called me to.

I may not know exactly WHEN God is going to say, GO...I do not know HOW it is all going to work out...but I am willing, I am ready and I am living for Him while I'm waiting...