I don't recall if I have mentioned it before, but after all three of my babies, I suffered from fairly serious post-partum depression. Don't get me wrong. I didn't have post-partum psychosis, where the mom considers harming herself or the baby, but depression. I was extremely weepy after each delivery and with Liam was hit with something new, panic attacks. I only had 2 before we figured out the cause and called the doctor, but they scared me to death. If you've ever had one, you know exactly what I'm talking about..if you haven't, pray you don't! My brother, whom was staying with us at the time, was scared to death. And to tell you the truth, so was I. Due to the fact that I am now, almost 8 months post partum, I have begun weaning myself off the medicine used to treat my post-partum depression symptoms. In the past I have been so eager to stop them, that I began weaning with anticipation. However, this time, I was a little frightened. I told you, those panic attacks scared me to death and I did NOT want to face them again. I told Josh if he sees ANYTHING different to please tell me.
Yesterday, having had very little medication for a few days, I felt kinda dumpy. I debated whether it was meds or stress or just the fact that I cannot seem to kick this cold. I decided it was the cold and proceeded on. However, all day long I longed to speak to my closest gal pal. She lives in another city, several hours away, and she teaches, making reaching her during the day impossible, unless of an emergency. I was feeling icky, emotionally, but that definitely didn't qualify as an emergency. I called a few friends, who are local and chatted with them and though it was great, I just really needed to talk to my gal pal. If you have a gal pal, you understand why. It's that one in a million friendship. My friend, Cris and I, have been there for each other's babies births, celebrated birthdays, anniversaries, even had a fallen out at one time, but the friendship has endured the trials thrown at it. Our personalities are so different...but for some reason that makes it work. I tend to be opinionated, she is reserved, I am quick tempered, she is calm and collected at all times...I cannot recall when I have EVER heard her raise her voice....I have a feeling she cannot say the same about me. Whenever I think of describing my friend, I recall the line from the movie StepMom when Julia Roberts is describing Susan Sarandon. She said, "you are mother earth incarnate." That is my friend Cris. She makes everything from scratch...I will manage to find a short cut for everything I bake/cook! Her house is immaculate at all times....mine, eh...She is tall, I am short...she is skinny, me..well. *chuckle* When Cris was pregnant with her babies, she looked like she was carrying a basketball....I, on the other hand, LOOKED like a basketball! So opposite yet, she is the yin to my yang. She can manage to make me laugh when no one else can. It's a type of sisterhood that until I met Cris, had never truly experienced before. So, due to my cold and dumpy feeling, I realized that I just needed, what Josh and I refer to as, a Cris-chat. Unable to, I just pressed on, played with my boys, cleaning house, etc. While sitting at the dinner table, my phone beeped that I had a new message on Facebook. I glanced and noticed it was from Cris. Knowing that it was likely their suppertime too, I thought I had better look to make sure all was well. After opening the message I was speechless. It said that she and her family had been at our favorite pizza place and she had seen two families enjoying pizza together and it made her sad...and missing us. Oy, did I understand that feeling! I read the message to Josh and decided to message her after we ate, but continued to ponder our friendship. You see recently, I have come face to face with a few people who during mine and Josh's turbulent time, managed to make things so much worse for us. For some reason, it was like they were getting a high from stirring things up. I have carried a sort of guilt with me over this and had the thought, well, if I had been a better friend, or maybe I am wrong...or maybe...
Not realizing that this could be part of the reason for my dumpy feeling, I hadn't really talked with Josh about it, much less prayed about it. After my message from Cris, I still hadn't given it much thought, but I had this overwhelming sense to get my bible out and read it. I wanted to find a scripture to pray over our friendship. So armed with my Bible and my laptop (I use a program on it that allows me to do key word searches in the Bible) I typed in "friendship".
Here is the GOOD part...8 scripture references came up. This was the first one....
"Do not seek a treaty of friendship with them as long as you live." Deuteronomy 23:6
I was speechless. As soon as I read this I knew, I KNEW how troubled my spirit had been over these recent reminders. Once again, God came forward and said, HEY! (I always imagine him saying, HEY WOMAN!!! No idea why..*chuckle*) It's time to put aside the guilt, quit letting it eat you, keep you from me and don't worry about it. Now, the whole point in me looking in my Bible was to find a scripture to pray over my friendship with Cris, or so I thought...directly under the Deuteronomy verse was this...
"Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the LORD, saying, ‘The LORD is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever.’” Then David left, and Jonathan went back to the town." 1 Samuel 20:14
A reminder...using David again...the person I most relate to in my life...and here he is again. Reminding me that God is in control...God gave me Cris...she is my sister...and though I have been hurt by friendships in the past, God is protecting me.
I had this overwhelming urge to share this scripture/revelation with my friend so I private messaged her on FB. Explaining how we ARE Jonathan and David...she private messaged me back, in agreement. Oh what a blessing.
I am breathless....even now, as I recall the feeling I had when God showed me these two scriptures. I cannot help but praise Him. He showed me the first one...because without the cleansing of my spirit that needed to occur, the second wouldn't have held as much merit. He cleansed me, then restored me...As he always does....he is the same, yesterday, today and forever, and for THAT I am breathless...
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