The Ultimate ESPRESSO

Had a startling realization yesterday.  For the last week, I have found myself to be VERY grumpy and irritable.  Things that normally roll right off my back, really hurt me and things that are normally ignorable have driven me up a wall!  Major grumpy mode.
Yesterday, I was sitting in church and had this sudden thought....for the past two weeks, things have been so hectic..actually, scratch that..since the first day of school this school year, things have been NUTS...Getting three up, dressed, fed, teeth brushed, driven to school, then home to chase a one year old, who amazingly enough, can wreak more destruction than the other two combined, has made me have this undesirable urge to SLEEP!  Whenever I sit still for too long, I am out.  Eyes close, head bobbing..the whole kit n caboodle!  This new love and desire for sleep, has caused me to do one thing and I believe that this could be the cause for is my extremely grumpy mood (no comments hubby, please)..This new schedule (as opposed to the laid back philosophy we adopted over the summer) has caused me to oversleep and miss my daily quiet time.  That wonderful time that this summer, I spent on my deck or in my chair reading, talking and listening to Him hasn't been happening.  That precious time where I enjoy his presence....I've been missing it.  No time in His word...no journal writing...Insert grump-ola here!   
It is just like when I haven't seen my kids or my husband for a substantial period of time. I have noticed that if I have to go more than 24-48 hours away from my kids, I am always so eager to have them back with me...to see their smiling face...hear their raucous giggles.  And, if by some chance, I am not able to see them for longer than 48 hours, I get a wee bit grumpy (as Aidan would say).  And, now, I notice, the same holds true for my Abba...I haven't gotten to speak to him (my fault) or sit and enjoy his presence (my fault again) consistently since school started...and man is my attitude showing it!  Grouchy McGroucherson party of one!

(did I mention I've been grouchy?)

The problem that I have, and as a fellow momma, you may suffer from this too..is HOW...how do we do it? How do we get up...when we are dying to sleep for 30 more mins before we hit the ground running...(literally, remember I have a 1 year old!).  How do we keep our bodies from crashing...or nodding off during our quiet time? When life is all about schedules right now...how?!  And while I would like to say, "well, let me tell you", I cannot.  I, like all you other momma's, am going to just have to figure this one out myself.  But one thing is for sure...in order for me to be a happy momma, I am going to have to meet my Abba..every morning...without fail.  Perhaps, we aren't all that much UNLIKE the desciples in the garden...we too, wanna sleep, instead of conversing with Him.  hmmmm...However, he has told us...through David, that My(our) soul finds rest in God alone; my(our) salvation comes from Him.  He alone is my(our) rock and my(our) salvation; he is my(our) fortress, I(we) will never be shaken....though coffee is, huh, well, AWESOME...HE is my rock...I only truly find rest and feel rejuvenated when I am with Him...He is, in coffee terms, my quad venti whatever-ochino!
So, tomorrow morning...join me...you in your spot, me in mine...and in spirit we will join Him...and thank Him for the energy to get through the day.  Whether your day involves corporate mergers, driving a tractor, serving food or chasing a one year old...we can do it...while we may get tired...one whispered prayer and he will rejuvenate us...

O God, you are my God 

earnestly I seek you;

My soul thirsts for you,

in a dry and weary land

where there is no water.  

And in meeting him...we will be rejuvenating...re hydrating.
Let's keep our souls hydrated...

My "spot"

At the fire

There was a poem that was in a book that I absolutely adored as a young child.  I can still remember, so clearly, WHERE the book was located in the library at my elementary school.  Every week, during library, there were several of us who just hoped and prayed that our table got called first to go check out a book so we could get that book.  The book was Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein.  Still to this day, when I see my own copy of this beloved book my heart does a lil flip and I can't WAIT to open it and read.  Every time, as a child, and I was the lucky one who got to check the book out, would start the same way..I practically had it memorized, but still, I always started with page one.  Odd that I mentioned that you might think since it's a book and starting with page one is usually the way it is done.  However, Where the Sidewalk Ends is a book of poems.  Thus, there is no RIGHT place to start. Just open it up and take off!  My, personal, take off place was always the first poem....

"If you are a dreamer, come in.

If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar,

A hope-er, a pray-er, a magic bean buyer,

For we have some flax golden tales to spin.

Come in!

Come in!"

Come in...no matter what. No matter what the situation. No matter if you like to dream, wish, hope, pray or LIE..no matter what! Come in. 
I firmly believe I have always loved the idea of being loved for me.  I have always thought the idea of not having to live my life to prove myself, to make someone else happy, to be able to be open and honest about mistakes and not pretend they never occurred would be such a glorious way to live.  That instead of ignoring the 10,000 pound elephant in the room, ask it to sit beside you.  Not simply to be silently accepted..but to be told..no matter what your situation, come in! A dream world, maybe. 
This poem always made me feel that no matter what I am like, brown hair, blue eyes, slightly frumpy...that I am alwyas welcome at Shel's fire.  He wants me to come in no matter what.  He wants to spin fun tales with me!  And after a giddy moment, all those years ago, I would dive face first into his book of flax golden tales! ***ahhhh***
Now, as an adult...I find I am still the same way.  My most treasured friendships are the ones where we can just be in the same room (or driveway) and not have to talk.  Oh, sure, we'll chat every now and then, but silence is ok too.  Complete acceptance.  Just being me.  As glorious as those friendships are, there is something in my life that is even more glorious (if you can imagine).  You see, I have a relationship with the King of Kings.  The most powerful being on the earth...heck, he created the world!  AND, he wants to be with me.  I don't have to confess my mistakes to him and hide my head and hope he still likes me, no...he knows everything already and he still wants to be near me.  No false pretenses, no expectations...just me being me...the me he made.  He knows I am prone to emotion...he's ok with that.  He knows I feel less than adequate, I'll give you the strength, He says.  He too, like Shel, wants me to sit by his fire.  He, too, wants to hear my dreams.  He, too, wants to tell me His plans for me.  But more importantly he, too, just wants to be with ME.  Maybe I'm different...maybe I'mt he only one in the world who feels that the idea of someone just telling me to come in so they can enjoy my presence for a bit is absolutely delightful...maybe.  Or, maybe you too, feel that someone accepting you as you are would be a breath of fresh air.  No pretenses. You just as you are!  Wrinkles? He loves 'em!  Gray hair? No problem!  Bed head...bad breath...none of that matters.  He just wants to meet you...at your fire. 
True, unabashed, unconditional love...just you and Him.  Join Him...at his fire..you have some flax golden tales to spin! 

"My heart has heard you say, 'Come and talk with me.' And my heart responds, 'Lord, I am coming.'" Psalm 27:8 New Living Translation

In the Shadow

While I was outside with Liam this afternoon, I thought it might be fun to put him in the wagon and give him a ride.  Aidan was never "into" the wagon the way Britton was so I have kinda gotten out of the habit of a child who enjoys a wagon ride.  Liam, who no doubt will continue to surprise me, LOVED it.  I believe he enjoyed it more than Britton used to, and that is saying a lot!  While we were taking our walk, I pointed out the pretty trees and I told him stories of what his brothers were like and how I met his daddy.  And he listened..yeah, yeah, I know he's only ONE...but he didn't try to jump out of the wagon which tells ME he loved my stories. (I would appreciate staying ignorant in my bliss, ok?!) So, during my version of how Daddy let Britton unroll all the toilet paper when HE was one & how we learned our lesson on that...I turned and looked at Liam.  He was sitting perfectly still in the wagon, smiling, with his eyes closed because the SUN was blinding him! (yeah, mother of the year, I am NOT) Shucks..so, in being the AWESOME creative person I am, and forgetting that I have sunglasses for him, I decided to block the sun with my body/shadow and pull the wagon backwards.  Now you may be thinking that this is going to end in me tripping or in some other blooper-like fashion, but no....I was fairly graceful....but it was surprisingly difficult to keep him IN my shadow..b/c not only were we moving (me walking, pulling wagon) but he was rocking back and forth in the wagon as well.  It was during my battle at keeping him in my shadow that I had a thought...
I wonder, if it is as hard for the Lord to keep me in HIS shadow as it was for me to keep Liam in mine? Like a child, I am always moving...always thinking I got things UNDER CONTROL! Always leaving his side to see what's "out there".  THEN when things start to fall apart, I wonder where He is. When I can no longer "see" I figure it out and I run back to his side and promise never to leave again. For it is in His shadow that I find rest, safety, comfort, shelter.  And, while it was difficult for me to keep Liam in my shadow, I kept doing it...I never quit (well, till we were done, that is!) and our Abba is the same way.  He stays with me, and even follows my wiggles. WOW.  What a mighty God we serve!  So, the next time you're outside and you see your shadow, thank the maker of the shadow and thank Him for keeping you in His.

Psalm 17:8 Keep me as the apple of your eye, hide me in the shadow of your wings.  
(ok, so I so love that one...apple of his eye...hehe..love that!)

Psalm 36:7 How priceless is your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings.  

Psalm 57:1 Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me, for in you my soul takes refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings, until the disaster has passed.  


Isaiah 49:2a He made my mouth like a sharpened sword, in the shadow of his hand he hid me.

Hoping these offer you some comfort and serve as a reminder just awesome his shadow is!

Liam, in the shadow of the house!

School, mean kids, Momma's & Him

Britton (& Momma)

As I'm sitting on the deck, this morning, listening to the chirping birds, enjoying the cool air and just spending some quiet time praying and learning, I am hit with a sudden realization.  My oldest son, Britton, will be starting 2nd grade next week.  I remember so well my 2nd grade year...and what I remember isn't all good.  I remember it being a rough year...where friends divided up...boys played with boys, girls played with girls...girls ganged UP on girls...cliches were formed...hmm. 
Now, as a momma, I look at my oldest and my heart lurches.  I don't want him to suffer anymore than absolutely necessary.  I even had the thought, well if I can just go WITH him, surely I can help him pick out the "good" kids! *chuckle* You know, because it is absolutely COOL to have your momma with you in 2nd grade! ha! I'm not alone... I'm sure all momma's feel this way...at some point...we want to protect our babies..even when they are 18, 21...35.  We don't want them to feel any hurt...it makes our hearts lurch to even THINK about it.  When I think of someone being mean to Brit or even him feeling alone, my throat burns, my eyes water up, Momma bear claws pop out....not pretty.  All of us Momma's feel that way about our babies...even if we ARE too tough to admit it! 
Unfortunately, our monkeys do grow up on us...and even MORE unfortunate is the fact that they are going to face pain inflicted by others...they will feel disappointment for not being picked first....and they will face sadness at some point in their lives.  Unfortunately.  But the NOT so unfortunate thing is that they can have a sidekick...a secret weapon of sorts.  You see, I don't send Brit to school alone...visibly yes, he's by himself... much as I think Momma's SHOULD be allowed to go with them...we are not. But there is another presence with him.  During the school day, I pray for God's presence to be with him.  To not leave him...to encourage him, embrace him if he needs it, to show him right from wrong...but most importantly, that Britton wouldn't be "damaged" by the harmful ways of fellow peers.  I spend the day, off and on, pleading with God to protect my baby...
Now you may be thinking, well that's all good and well, but what about the hurt in OUR hearts...how do we keep from MURDERING those that hurt our young? You see, during that prayer time, not only am I lifting up Britton...I'm also lifting up myself...asking God to still my heart...to help me BEAR it when he comes home upset because of what someone said, didn't say; did or didn't do.  But most importantly, that God would help me see that this is a part of life...sadly enough...and as a momma, my job is to lift them up, when they are young...and to teach them to lift themselves up in prayer as they mature.  Help them to see that they are not alone...and that though it may seem tough, it's all for a better purpose, even though right now, it just plain sucks!  Sadly, that, in this world, simply believing in the one who never leaves you makes you a target for ridicule, judgment, sarcasm...and yes, even hatred... and that as painful as that is, you still never leave Him.  Life is tough...but HE is tougher.  Tears are perfectly ok...screaming into your pillow, TOTALLY acceptable....We mommas, need to remind them that, though it may happen all over again tomorrow, you still must be strong...hold onto the one who loves you more than life...remember that you are loved and precious...and know that Momma will be waiting in the car when school is over...waiting with a hug or high five...waiting to tell you that it's ok...you're safe now.  

Love you Brit...

Psalm 71:1

In you, O Lord, I have taken refuge; let me never be put to shame.