Mundane, Fundane....Mothering is HARD..

Today, just for kicks, I checked out the standings for the Parent's Magazine Best Blog awards...I had to chuckle when I saw over 250 blogs in my category. (wow)..Anywho, being a blog enthusiast, I perused through a few of the blogs.  While doing so, I noticed something that got me to thinking...MOST of the topics of the blogs nominated are blogs about how to be a GOOD mom.  While there are also several home schooling blogs and blogs on adoption, crafting, cooking...The majority of the blogs are blogs showing you how "Sally" does THIS and you should too!  As I was reading a few of these blogs that promise to make me, not a GOOD but a BETTER Momma, I was reminded of something that I have struggled with as a stay at home momma.  You see, I have always said I am a reluctant stay at home mom.  I am only home because God has told me to be there.  It is not exactly something I long to do.  I have always loved working and have even given it a shot at one time, at which I QUICKLY learned I am not cut out to be both a working momma and a good momma...Many of you mommas out there ARE good working momma's and man do I envy you.  But, I digress.  Being home, a bit reluctantly, I feel like I am constantly pressuring myself to be BETTER!  And seeing how many blogs are out there telling us how to be better confirm my suspicions that I am not alone! 
As I was looking at the blog topics ( trying not to panic)...and perusing a few of the blogs themselves, I couldn't help but think about how stressful parenting is.  And we momma's are so hard on each other AND ourselves.  If you don't nurse you're a bad momma..if you DO nurse you're a bad momma...if you send your kids to public vs private..school vs homeschool...uniforms vs store bought clothes...Target brand vs Wal-Mart.  The judgements and looks of disappointment come at us from EVERY angle...even from our very own mirrors.
When I think of parenting my sons, if I give it too much thought, I will send myself straight into a panic attack.  Am I strict enough, am I too strict? Do I cuddle enough, do I cuddle so much they're gonna be "momma's boys"?  If I pop a frozen pizza in the oven am I feeding them too many preservatives? And by the time the 20 seconds of contemplation are over I have broken out into a sweat and am frantically reaching for my Starbucks to calm me down!  Why, exactly, do we do this to ourselves? Why are we frantically scouring the web looking for a blog to tell us how to be better momma's?  Why can't we all just..well, to risk sounding goofy...WHY CANT WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?!  or most importantly why can't we accept that WE are who God entrusted with our children...We are THEIR perfect parent..just the way we are!  Why do we have to judge each other? I've said it before but I firmly believe that we momma's gotta stick together.  It's a harsh world out there...a world that desires to educate our children waaaaaaay sooner than they (or we) are ready for.  We need to join together...form a barrier if you will.  Momma's against THEM...not Momma's against Momma's.
You see, we ALL love our babies..kids...teens...adult offspring.  Instead of torturing each other with these Mommy wars, we should be offering support.  Find a mentor-Momma or better yet, BE a mentor momma!  I am a lucky Momma in that I have a dear friend who has launched 2 children into adult-hood and is always willing to listen to me rant about the latest stain on my carpet...she doesn't *tsk* *tsk* at me and say, "enjoy 'em while they're young" (I do NOT wanna hear that right now!!! I have a huge purple circle in the middle of my living room!!!!!!!).  No, instead, she giggles and says hang in there, here's what I used to get grape juice stains out of tan carpet.  She calls occasionally just to say "hey" and occasionally we meet for coffee (whenever my carpet stains will allow it).  She is my mentor-mom.  She is a MOM who mentors ME...she's been in the trenches..our personalities are similar and she passes no judgment because well, to be frank...we're honest with each other...parenting, particularly MOTHERING is flippin' hard work & she offers me sound, biblical advice...she isn't worried about me warping the children...she remembers all to well what it's like...and she shares those experiences...she doesn't sit on 'em and pray no one knows she struggled. If she DID hide her struggles...they would all be for naught.  Instead, she is using them to HELP me!   
As Momma's, we should be willing to tell our fellow momma's how "Johnny" (or Aidan) wouldn't stop yelling BANANA at the top of his lungs last night in the bathtub and you felt like you were losing your mind! And as the listening momma..we should shake our heads and say oh yeah, that stinks, man I've been there..giggle with the sharing momma then offer to buy her a coffee, or tea, whatever her passion!
Let's remove the stress of "perfect" parenting and just admit we are all doing the best we can and while all the parenting books/blogs tell us to do it this way or that way and we better count the calories or our kids will be fat or they will be warped or ax murderers or WHATEVER, we should just KNOW that our kids will be fine...because we are giving them a solid foundation...we are showing them the Love our Heavenly Father shows us...and we are GOOD Momma's!  And, just possibly, the next time your "Johnny" (or Aidan) screams banana at the top of his lungs in the bathtub...step outta the room, take a deep breath, head back in (like a soldier going into battle) and match his "banana" with a yelled SPLIT of your own & maybe even listen closely.  You may be surprised to hear the joy that Little Johnny (or Aidan) is experiencing during bath time!  Psalms 51:8a "Make me to hear joy and gladness." (even if it is to the detriment of your eardrums!)

Don't forget to giggle during the mundane of Mommy-hood...Genesis 21:6 Sarah said, “God has made laughter for me; everyone who hears will laugh with me." 
If I could sit down with you and a cup of coffee...I guarantee we would giggle our way through Mommy-hood...because it's just more FUN that way! 

Precisely 2 minutes before the juice stain appeared

Me (makeup less) and my oldest Britton

My hairstylist, Aidan, (he seems to LOVE giving me gray hairs)..well, being Aidan

Giving his 1 year old brother a ride...DOWN A HILL! (I feel my hair changing color just looking at this)

Simple as THAT

Joe, Emma, Lisa and Ben Merkatoris (Lisa's gonna hate me for this pic!)

Thomas, Jack & Britton (buddies)

I've been a little quiet this week...it's been a week of tears in our home...now you may have a panicked thought, like, oh NO, what's happened...is someone sick? Did someone pass away? Is someone hurt? and I can answer with a firm NO...however, for the Griffin family the tears flowed just the same.  You see, this week we found out that our neighbors and close friends, the Merkatoris family, will soon be leaving us for the cold air and snow that comes with living in Wisconsin.  While our hearts break for US, we rejoice for them...it is where they want to be...it's where they belong.  My kids understand this feeling so well that on Wednesday on the way home from school Aidan said, "Momma, I wish my daddy would get a job where WE want to be, you know Colowado." Yes, Aidan..I know...but for now, God wants us here.  Hard to swallow at times, but it is all in His timing...oh yes, VERY hard to swallow. 
As I trudged through the week, always one thought away from a torrent of tears, I have been told, by well meaning folk no doubt, "just one more place to visit" and "you'll keep in touch, it will just be on the phone"...but much like a toddler in a toy store, I feel the urge to stomp my foot and scream "That's NOT GOOD ENOUGH".  I enjoy hearing my sons say, "Momma, I'm going out to play with Thomas and Jack," "Momma, can I go play with Emma?"...and I get to have play dates sometimes too..when things get to "manly" in my house, I can escape very quickly, across the street and lose myself in the little girl world of Emma Merkatoris or just sit and talk with her mom, Lisa, about GIRL stuff....it may be a conversation as simple as what ice cream we were craving last night, but for some reason it gives me my "girl" and my "friend" fix all at the same time.  But even more than those wonderful things..is seeing another family as "weird" as we are, outside enjoying the fresh air...having lightsaber battles, riding bikes, just being a family. Sometimes I feel like the times of "just playing outside" have gone away...we are an inside culture...but then again, maybe that is more of a regional thing...but since we have lived in our town, I have noticed more and more that kids very rarely just go outside to BE outside.  When the Merkatoris' moved in, and they were outside..I thought we hit pay dirt and they quickly became a part of our EVERY DAY.  And, now, it's all about to change.  *sigh*
As I said, tears have flowed a plenty this week...and right now is no different *sniff sniff*..I have spent much time in prayer...asking God to HELP me be not only a good friend and support their move and not make a horrible groaning noise when Lisa talks about their upcoming move, but to also be a good solid mommy for my boys who haven't yet had to face the reality of being the only "weird" kids in the neighborhood again...It was during a time of prayer, well, OK PLEADING with God to give me strength..that I remembered this story in the Bible.  It involves David, go figure, and while I've shared it before...I'll share it again.

1 Samuel 20:41-42  here is a little back story first...Jonathan's father, Saul was jealous of David and wanted to kill him...but Jonathan and David were best friends and Jonathan wanted to keep David safe..so they decided that they should depart and perhaps not see each other again..

"..David got up from the south side of the stone and bowed down before Jonathan three times with his face to the ground.  Then they kissed each other and wept together-but David wept the most.  Jonathan said to David, 'Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the Lord saying, 'The Lord is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever." 

You see, I will be David...I will probably weep the most, because, well, I'm a weepy person and I AM the one getting left after all! BUT..there is reason to hope...we live in a world where travel is so easy.  There is no reason for us to not travel to WI to see our friends..to make a promise to see each other at least once a year!  The friendships that have been built between our children will last forever...they are just too priceless not to.  And the kindred spirit I have found in Lisa...well, that goes without saying.  So, for now..I will hug and kiss her....and tell her that the Lord is a witness..we will be friends forever..and our kids will know each other..and love each other..because, that's just the way it is.  And during this time of transition..that is what I will choose to focus on.

Simple as that. 

~love you "Megatrons" aka Merktoris'...