school, plans, the future

Today was a tough day for me.  Last night was my first PTL meeting as a MOM.  I've been to PTO meetings as a teacher before, but last night I was a mommy there for my boy!  I knew when we signed Britton up in a Lutheran school that they used the Accelerated Reader program to teach reading.  I cannot stand that reading program.  It really limits their access to quality literature.  And I know some kids will not read a book, no matter how good it may be because it's not on the AR list!  Then on top of this curriculum upset, I felt so out of place last night b/c we are NOT Lutheran.  They said the Lord's Prayer to close and it was so robotic it made me uncomfortable.  I actually forgot some of the words because I was so distracted by the monotonous tones and unfeeling words coming out of their mouths.  Mine as well.....then as if that wasn't enough....no one tried to meet us...Britton's teacher didn't even try to reach out to us....I have never felt so disappointed.  I have dreamed of the day when I could be active and involved in the PTL at my child's school and I felt like the only way you could REALLY be involved was if you went to St Paul.  So frustrating....

So, today...just on a whim, I got on the website of the school that the boys would go to if we moved to Colorado Springs.  It is phenomenal...Spanish, French, Latin...not to mention Apologetics, Roman studies...etc...the boys would learn sooooo much!  Plus it's inter-denominational....I could have cried....my heart wants so much more for them...so much more opportunity....

Plus, I want the boys to be in a community where they are actively seeking God's will...we have had such a hard time here, that I don't know if that will happen...As anyone can see by reading this, my heart is in turmoil.  I am trying to pray for God's will on us moving...but I find myself begging and pleading and like a spoiled child, presenting my case to Him...

So, here's my prayer and I will have to remind myself of this prayer on a regular basis..

Lord, you're will, but you know my heart...You know our struggles here...but we want to be obedient to you...If it is your will for us to stay, please protect us, give us a community, a church to be involved in, help us with our finances...help us clean up this mess that I got us in....But if it is within your will for us to move, help us find a job, a home, a church, and help the transition for the boys be a smooth one...Make it clear for us Lord....as I want it so bad, I am looking for ANY sort of sign....Give us wisdom, patience and contentment while I wait.....and remind me that while I'm waiting, I need to worship, while I'm waiting, I will serve you, while I'm waiting, I will not fail...I'll be running the race...even while I wait...

Amen...